­im currently on meds for bi polar disorder, and i know ive always been a little off, more so than the average i suspect.... but i do have a few friends who know and love most of who i am.... and of course every one has their faults...
anyway.. life's kind of been on a downward spiral during the last few months and i was on the meds most of the time but there were a few times i was low on funds and decided i was well enough to go off them.. so maybe this has some thing to do with what im talking about. so let me get to the point..
I've always been one to talk to myself more than the average joe.... but my friends had a talk with me recently and are concerned... Its been going on more often than usual and i dont really notice im doing it. like a full on dialog of mumbles.. that people other than my friends have noticed, and commented on... I dont really know im doing, its a constant dialouge in my head any way sometimes i do feel like there are two of me...... it does seem to intensify when im stressed, if i have drink, when im tired..... ect...
i was just wondering if i should be concerned.... also i have no insur. so i went to my nurse practitioner ive been going to and she suggested our community mental health fascillity, which baisically im on a waiting list to get in... if you maybe had a suggestion about where i could go to find someone i can talk to about this....that would be cool... thanx

­ Nanagoat:

First sorry it took me so long to respond I have been ill and out of town seeing specialists myself so I have been unable to answer letters. I am back now and as you can see I am answering my letters. Second I don't usually do adults as this is a teen site and I have to support it with no help. But I also can't stand anyone to be lost inside their own mind. I have worked in psychiatry for over 20 years so let me at least give you my "opinion" and you must take it from there as this is your life.
Being bipolar you know that you have to stay on medication or you will go down hill and even become psychotic which is where you seem from your description to be heading. So it is most important that you get back on your medications.
Your Nurse Practitioner is righ as far as where you need to go with no real income and no insurance coverage. But what you have to do is get in now. You can't wait on a list in your condition. You have to get in and seen in the next day or two. So if you are not strong enough to fight for yourself get someone to go with you but they have to get you in to a psychiatrist now because you are becoming psychotic. The only other option which you should do if you can not get the county mental health center to respond is to go to your local emergency room. Tell them you are feeling psychotic, hearing voices, feeling suicidal and that you need help. It is very important to use these words ae they are the "key" words that will get you treatment and the attention you need. If you say you went off your medications, why that it fine but sorry to say it won't really affect them. But if you add the voices in your head, feeling out of yourself and feeling suicidal, out of control and that you need help they will admit you usually just over night until you can be assessed by a psychiarist and put back on your medications and then they usually set you up with a psychiatrist who will see you within your financial means. IT is very important you go to either a psychiatric emergency room or a regular ER and tell them how bad off you are and that you are not able to get your medications. You need them to hear you and get you the help you need. You can lead a perfectly normal life if we can get you on the right medications and monitored by psychiatry. But if you don't get help now you are going to continue to get worse and each time you go off your meds. you will get even worse. So we must start it here while you are young and you can be controlled with the right medications.
So first call your local mental health center and be pushy and explain you have to be seen, don't be so nice, this is your life and we have to get it controlled so you can feel safe again in your own skin and you can move on with your own life OK? So call them and push or get a minister or someone in that area to fight for your rights. Second if you get no where go to your local ER I know what the have to do. There is even someone on call who will come in to see you and get everything set up for you. Please do one of these and then let me know what happened. Write me within two days well I forgot labor day but write me back within two days even if you have to wait till Tuesday. I want to know you are hooked up with the right people and back on your medications OK? I also want to help if you can't get help anywhere now that I am back I will help you get the care you need. So either way write me back so I know either way what happened and that you are all right or if I need to help you. I will be here 24/7 just write me on the forum or privately and we will get it done. I won't let you down. I will make sure you get the care you need one way or the other. But you must try these two things first OK?
I will wait to hear from you and if you have any problems just write me back or any questions write me back. We will get everything working right again and it all can with the right medications but we have to get you seen and on the meds. and a way to buy them so you don't have to go off them. So write me no matter what write me back so I can know everything is taken care of and you are getting the care you need.
I will be looking for your letter,
Mary-Anne