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friends issues
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* December 19, 2001, 12:57:00 AM
­I am having a problem dealing with a friend and am having difficulty determining whether there is an actual problem or if it is all inside my head. I would consider this individual a good friend, however i tend to exhibit the borderline personality disorder trait of over-idealizing individuals. He has alot of friends and already has a best friend, and sometimes I feel like I'm just there. Sometimes he jokes around by pretending to be angry when in fact he is not really, but because i tend to take things seriously I regard this as being angry, and I dont' think I react in the manner that he expects me to which tends to make him more angry, I think. Maybe this is all in my head, but is confronting him about it the best thing to do? I suppose if he is really my friend he will understand my concerns, or maybe he'lljust get annoyed ant hink I'm whiny.

How can I be a better friend in general? Sometimes I just don't have the energy to do anything, I just want other people to do the friend-business if you know what I mean, maybe that's the problem, but if so how can I remedy it?

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December 19, 2001, 12:19:38 PM
#1
­ Brocky:

First Brocky why are you reading on borderline personality disorder? Have you been diagnosed with that? Because we don’t usually diagnose teens and that is a very “odd” disorder for you to be looking at. I think you are reading too much and not spending enough time just “being” a teen. Why does anything Psychiatric have to be wrong with you?
Maybe you are trying to hard to be this guy or any other person’s friend. Can you try just being yourself and being around these people and taking an interest in what they are doing or saying. Not reading into anything because sometimes a tree is just a tree. This is where you are very insightful you do take things seriously but that can also be a great trait to have. It makes you more sensitive and in the right situations that is a real plus. It makes you more insightful than most people. This can be used to be able to work your problems out better if you learn how to use your seriousness in a productive way. Remember everything has its gifts in it even if it appears to be a liability.
So you are serious and you are reading way too much into this guy. To tell you the truth I doubt he is thinking any of what you are thinking about. Most people just aren’t that deep or thinking that much about such things. It doesn’t make your way right or wrong or their way right or wrong just differences in people and thank goodness we have that. How boring if we were all alike.
If I were in your position I would try to just relax. I would try to not take my thoughts about what you think he is feeling and thinking seriously, just think them and let them go. Tell yourself that they are your thoughts not his. I would not bring anything up to him because you are the one with a problem he has not expressed one to you. So you need to deal with your own problem, which you are doing by writing me. Accept that you are serious and sensitive and then learn how to live with it and use it for good things and help teach yourself how not to let it become so negative. You do have that choice. When you start to get these feelings around this guy or others just chill and listen or hang out with them but don’t read into anything being said or done. Until someone comes up to you and says they have a problem with you “assume” they don’t have one. Just be yourself and feel what you need to feel because it is you but you do not have to “react” to what you feel that is your choice. Do you understand the difference?
Also try to limit the amount of time you spend analyzing yourself. I think you are going to drive yourself crazy if you spend time looking for the answers to what you feel and why you feel them in Psychiatry. Just try to live and see what happens.
Let me know how you are doing and if you think you can try some of these things,
MaryAnne

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