LFA Café
Advice about Relationships => Teens with boyfriend and girlfriend problems => Topic started by: MaryAnne on December 18, 2001, 09:47:15 AM
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Dear MaryAnne,
hey, I just need some help with my relationship right now. You see there's this girl that i've been talking to for about 2 months and it hit me that she was the one. And we've been going through a lot of stuff lately. I mean a whole lot of people have been starting mess and butting into something they have no idea aabout. And now she has these doubts about our relationship. She told me that I'm so wonderful, and sweet but she said she doesn't know what her problem is and why she has all these doubts. And just yesterday she almost killed me when she said it was over, she said I'm not feeling it, and I told her that I didn't feel it either at first it just took time. And then just today she said that she didn't mean it and she doesn't know what she wants anymore. And I told her that I'd wait on her forever until she could find out what's missing, but how do I help her find what's missing. I mean we haven't gone out yet and we haven't even kissed yet. Do you think if I make my move it'll make her find what's missing? what should I do?
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Jimmy:
Gee Jimmy you do have a confused girl here. Anything you do will be a risk. I am sorry you have to go through this but you are in it and so lets see. Obviously she is listening to someone and sounds like many someone’s and they are confusing her. She needs to stop listening and listen to her own heart. Since she is not doing that you need to influence her in the other direction. If you have been talking for 2 months and not gone out Jimmy that ain’t normal. You don’t have a relationship you have a talking that is it. I would say yes ask her out. Take her out on a date, if you are old enough you didn’t say how old you are but if you are. Ask her out and take her and show her a great time with some intimacy. Like go to a little private Italian restaurant and take a long time talking and being alone together. Then take a drive and go somewhere “safe” but exclusive and put on the music and sit and talk and yes make a move. Just kissing maybe even one kiss according to how she acts. If you go to kiss her and she does not put a lot in kissing back then just stop and say thank you and start talking again. Just like it was all ok so she doesn’t want to reject you because she is embarrassed OK? Then take her home but make sure if her kiss is a “I don’t want to kiss you” you stay and talk some more or she will take it to heart and then avoid you after that. So the staying and talking is important. Then you don’t ask her out again just go back to talking and wait for a month or so and if you are still together then write me and we will take it from there for the next plan. But I don’t think it will be there. The date will make it or break it and whatever happens on the date will determine if you are just friends in her heart or more. She just needs the time alone with you and the kiss to tell her if she is right or not
You will get your answer in your first kiss so lets find out how she really feels. This will also give her the confirmation she needs to come out of confusion. Right now it could go either way. So go ask her out and do what I said. Then write and tell me what happened.
Remember it is all a risk since she is so confused but I would rather gamble and find out because sounds like this way you are just going to be jerked back and forth and lose in the end. Oh one more time don’t tell a girl you will wait forever. Don’t let her know she has you that much yet. Let feelings build and let her find hers first and then build together OK?
Anyway you decide because you have to take the consequences so you need to decide but that is what I would do if I were you.
Let me know and if you have anymore questions write me,
Remember one kiss to find out, a little romance no further no matter what.
I will be waiting to hear from you,
MaryAnne