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* August 28, 2003, 07:04:54 PM
­I have a bf she is great but here lately she forgets me when she is around someone else. She also has been acting werid around me here lately. Can you help me. I want to keep being her friend because her and her family is the closet people iv got to.

Nicole

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* September 02, 2003, 05:34:18 AM
#1
­ Hi Nicole.
My name is Tina. i used to have lots of firends problems when i was at school. Maryanne helped me through them all thankfully! :) but i know how upseting it is to have ur best friend turn on u. i found the best thing was to go to the person and ask them straight out what the deal was. i told them how i felt and asked them how they felt. it was sometimes something really small. sometimes i found that they were just to immature to give me the truth and sort it out. sometimes people are not as good friends as u think. people will treat u badly if u let them. i dont know in detail what ur friendship is like but i do know that if ur at their beck and call, then they will only spend time with u when it suits them. i found that by making myself 'busy' and less available all the time, people wanted to spend more time with me. u are more desireable when u have a busy and interesting life.so if she continues her silly business, get on with things, start a hobby and u may find new freinds who make more time for u.
all the best.

Take care.
*Tina*

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September 03, 2003, 11:15:42 PM
#2
­ Tina:

First, thank you for caring about Nicole, taking the time to reach out and write such great words of wisdom. You covered the whole area of what could be going on, what Nicole should look at, what her options are and what the results are if she takes all this information and does what you advised. I just smiled and teared up at how proud I am of you. You got it together girl and you are right on target. There is nothing I can say that you didn't say. Keep going, you are on the right track for your life and self growth and are getting it soooo together. You are quite a young lady. I am totally impressed.
It really is great to read one teen helping another with such knowledgable and insightful advice, not like these teen sites where they say shallow and off the wall stuff just to sound cool. You gave very mature and very correct advice.
You left me nothing to say (smile). Nicole is fortunate that you read her problem and cared.
Thank you Tina keep growing and if you need me remember I am always here for you,
MaryAnne

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Where you know you can come for Professional, personal, right on target advice, life skills, crisis intervention,ask questions, confide in guaranteed help. With all the traps, scams, perverts and sites out there that are very unsafe, this site is your safe place. I have been doing this for 10 years.


September 03, 2003, 11:42:08 PM
#3
­ Nicole:

I am glad that Tina read and responded to your letter before I did. As I said in my response to her letter she gave you the best insight,the best things to look at and to do that will be sure to give you the truth about what is going on with your bf and from what your bf's response is, you will be able to determine from Tina's advice what you need to do. She is right that when we are too available and too needy even those closest to us will take advantage of us or take us for granted. Since you didn't go into much detail it is hard to know exactly what is going on with your bf but the best thing to do is to go to her straight up and just ask her. If she acts like she doesn't know what you are talking about then you need to give her examples. If she brushes you off and says you are too sensitive or again denies understanding what you are talking about, you need to then re-evaluate how genuine your relationship is on her side. She may be too immature to deal straight with you and be a true friend. I too know how you feel. I had the same exact situation and my bf even played me and another girl against each other to compete for her time and friendship. It about drove me crazy. The bf had a ball making us both jump for her and fight each other for her time. Now I look back and see what a fool I made of myself but I loved her and wanted her friendship so bad. Whenever we come from desperation we turn people off. This includes relationships with guys, even with adults and siblings. People just seem to get turned off by people who act needy. So look at how you are acting and again as Tina says if you make yourself desirable, not so available, busy with a life of your own the more people will be attracted to you. Again this goes for friendships, guys, anyone. We all seem to be attracted more to those who are just a little out of reach and who we find attractive by their active life styles. They just seem to be more inviting, positive to be around and interesting. The neat thing is this works for you too. You will find you will not be so focused needing your bf. You will find yourself happier, more people gravitating to you, a full life with lots of laughs, successes and wonderful surprises every day from someone who will be trying for your attention. It truly works. Make your life fulfilled, yourself excited about each day, dress up looking great, exercise, join in groups, before you know it you have one great life with everything going your way. You have nothing to lose by making yourself feel good, getting what you want and letting the positive energy you give out make you attractive to others.
Now if you are shy and this just isn't you, like I was not able to be that way I at least was able to not make myself come from desperation and I made myself not so available, eventually I became close to another girl and we were more alike and she turned out to be more genuine. So either way you can make not being available and focusing on your own life an asset that will work for you not against you.
In the mean time I agree with Tina, as I said you need to just sit your bf down and ask her what's up. Do it in a positive way telling her you just "feel" whatever it is you feel and if she is truly your bf or even a friend she will want to work it out with you. If she doesn't then nothing you do will make it work. Believe me from my experience I never did get my bf to care. It was a one way friendship and I was the one doing all the giving, waiting, crying, wanting and I never did get her to care about me.
Please write "us" or me and let me know what you decided to do and how it turns out. I care and obviously Tina cares so please let us know. If you need any more help, support or just want to talk I am always here for you,
MaryAnne

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Where you know you can come for Professional, personal, right on target advice, life skills, crisis intervention,ask questions, confide in guaranteed help. With all the traps, scams, perverts and sites out there that are very unsafe, this site is your safe place. I have been doing this for 10 years.


* September 04, 2003, 05:42:10 PM
#4
­Hello Tina and Maryann,
Thinks for the advice I will try it and see how it works again thank ya'll so much.
signed,
Nicole

Nicole

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