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Feel Useless
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January 26, 2002, 05:59:44 AM
­ Dear MaryAnne,
I have got myself into a hole and can not get out only go down. I want to be confident but in so much it would take me a life time as that is how long it has taken me to be as usless as i feel. You say look at the good things about myself,,,I am trying but find it very hard ,in truth i am not very good at anything and i am not just saying that feeling sorry for myself. I can not read to good write or spell and maths do not excist to me even words i can spell i wont in cas i get them wrongh then people will know what a fool i really am. i am 42 and envy anyone and everyone because i feel they are better , please help i dont know where to start , i know what i should do and that is do something about my education ,but i am scared. scared of failing . and i bet i spelt most of this wrongh,sorry . I do hope you will help i dont know how but please ... lucy

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January 26, 2002, 06:00:38 AM
#1
­ Lucy:

OK, lets start with where you are. You wrote me about some of the things that you feel make you a loser. You did come to my site and read it and you did take a chance of reaching out and if anything to see if there was anyone behind the words written there. But you did it so somewhere inside of you, you don’t believe that you are all “useless,” or you wouldn’t have even read my page much less written.
So, that is where we start, you do believe there is something worth saving in you what is it?
Lucy, you may have it real bad in life, there are thousands of “US” that do. What I am trying to do with my web site and my belief is that yeah OK we have it bad but then what? Well, I decided I wasn’t going to go down. I wasn’t going to let “them” win at making me believe I had no hope. No one can make that decision for you. You have to at least make that decision. Where you go from there I can help you with but you and only you can decide if you are going to lay down or get up and fight. You are feeling sorry for yourself and I for one say ok do it. I am not one who is going to say stop feeling sorry for yourself. You want to feel sorry for yourself do it. I will say that you are keeping yourself a victim by the way you talk and anyone talks that is feeling sorry for themselves. As long as you keep focusing on being a victim you will only be able to “see” what you don’t have and that is why you can say to me in all honesty that you can not find much good in you. Now there is a difference is “seeing” the good in you and “seeing” what you are good at. You may not be good at anything right now. But you do have many good things to be happy about that can bring you to the place where you can be good at something.
HOW?? OK, you are not blind are you? Think about how vulnerable and helpless you could be if you could not see? You have legs and arms don’t you? Oh my do you know how difficult it is to not have arms and legs? Try to do things that we all take for granted without arms or legs? It is a nightmare. Yet I know many people who do not have arms and legs and they are very functional and successful well and Lucy happy. You can talk and hear can’t you? Again so many things we all take for granted that if you just took one of them away for just an hour of your life you would stop and think God I do have a lot of good things about me. I did it, just patched my eyes up one day so I could not see and I tried to function and how quickly I learned to find the gift in my eye sight. I could not even do it an hour. I stopped at that moment ever saying again that I have nothing. Because I use to say I had nothing going for me and that there was no way out of my nightmare. Once I was blind that is when I started to really be able to see.
It is all in how you decide to look at things. Yes, we can write back and forth about how bad Lucy has it and even talk about how much you failed to get to this point. What good would that do? Do you need to feel right about something? OK, you messed up probably a lot. Because you are right, your writing is terrible, your spelling is terrible. Now what? You are 42 years old and you will be 52 some day. Where are you going to be at 53? You have that complete choice as to where you will be at 53? Lucy, everything and I mean everything is on how you decide to look at it. It has amazed me as I have learned what I teach and practice how ignorant we all are to the facts of what we can truly have and be in this life. We have the choice to keep thinking and seeing the way we do now and staying the way we are. Or we have the choice of changing our thinking and seeing things in the totally opposite way. To me it is better to wake up at 42 than never. You can obsess about what you have lost and what you didn’t do or get. Or you can decide to get and have it from now forward. That is your choice.
The only reason you envy everyone else and believe they all have it better than you is because you do not sit at my computer answering these letters. Believe me everyone has problems and everyone sees themselves pretty much as losers. We have a real problem in this world and I mean world because I work with people all over the world, places I have never even heard of. We are all the same. Which to me is quite comforting and that is why I love doing this. We are all one and we can reach out and help each other and at the same time help ourselves.
Now, I can write a book on this but we are to the place that I have made my point and the next step is up to you. I will help you if you choose to fight and make a life for yourself and make Lucy into who she would like to be. If you want to just stay where you are and feel bad and look at what you don’t have I can’t help you.
If you want to make the next 42 years count and change to where you see what you do have and make what you do have work for you then reach out and I will be there. So that is where you start Lucy, making the decision deep down in your soul.
It is as it has always been up to you,
MaryAnne

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Where you know you can come for Professional, personal, right on target advice, life skills, crisis intervention,ask questions, confide in guaranteed help. With all the traps, scams, perverts and sites out there that are very unsafe, this site is your safe place. I have been doing this for 10 years.