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Is it the right decision?
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* January 13, 2002, 01:41:43 AM
­ Dear MaryAnne,
Two things make me always depressed in relation to my husband.
1. I feel that my husband prefers to spend time with other people or at work rather than with me. When I asked him why? He said that with other people he feels that he is center of attention, but with me he loses his confidence. I tried to give him more attention and the more I give him it became his excuse for all mistakes he is doing.
2. Repeatedly I mentioned to him the things I don't like and I like, but he never seem to make any effort in improving the situation. Worst of all he never feels that he makes a mistake, somehow he turned it in such a way that I feel guilty.

Now I'm tired trying to change him. I'm already on the virge of losing my control. I get irritated in almost everything. I can't discuss matters without shouting. So I decided to leave him, but some part of me tells me not to. What shall I do? Am I right on my decision? Please help me.

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January 14, 2002, 05:42:38 PM
#1
­ Richi:

Thank you for writing and I know you are in deep pain on top of being angry. Eventually if your husband does not agree to go into marital therapy with you the marriage will end the way it is going. Those two signs are the best indicators that a marriage is on its way out. When the person would rather spend time with anybody but you that is pretty obvious. When the person has no investment in the marriage that is pretty much saying I am not interested in changing things. As far as leaving him that you have to search your heart for the answer. I will tell you what I was told many many years ago by a lady of the evening and I found it to be one truth that has never been wrong through out my life and my professional career with people in your position. She said you never have to worry about whether or when to leave your husband because when it is right you will “know” and you will have absolutely no doubt. I took her advice at the time I was at the same crossroad as you and I went back because I still had questions like you do. Within in a month I had absolutely no doubt and have never looked back since. She was so right. You will know when it is time to leave and you won’t have to ask me, your best friend or anyone, you will know absolutely without a doubt. So, I would say don’t make any permanent decisions until you are sure. She was one smart lady.
You can always leave, so wait until you are sure you really want that decision. You have time and time reveals all.
If you want to try and save your marriage you could go to a therapist and gain some insight into what is going on and how you might make a difference. Otherwise if you really feel you have given all you can without changing yourself to please him then just be yourself as I said and stay until you are sure you have no doubts.
I definitely do not believe in changing yourself to please someone else that never works and in the end you will find you can’t please them anyway. Either someone loves you for who you are or they don’t. Some things are just that black and white.
If you need support or have more feelings to express please do not hesitate to write me.
I know it will work out the way it is supposed to I truly believe in that.
MaryAnne

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