I feel a bit silly emailing you. I'm 29, and by now should have a grasp on life - well, ideally.
Anyway, I've got a new boyfriend. We've been good friends for over a year, and started going out four weeks ago.
I'm dearly fond of him, and am falling in love with him.
However, I am having trouble coping with our sex life.
I suspect that my problems stem from my experiences as a teenager, between the ages of 16 and 18. I was taken advantage of by a teacher old enough to be my father. This man was highly thought of in the community, but to me and scores of other young people he was selfish, manipulative and powerful. One of my friends was just ten years old when he started abusing her.
We complained about him to the police, though the case was never taken to court.He is still teaching now, ten years later.
He was the first man I slept with. I was drunk at the time, and didn't want to, though he coerced me into it. He also put me under pressure to stimulate him, which I hated.
Until recently, I thought I had come to terms with those experiences. But maybe not.
My new boyfriend is a lot more sexually passionate and outgoing than I am. He has expressed disappointment at me not being a sex kitten, which I have found really stressful.I have started crying twice during sex, and twice (for two whole days) after.
I can't escape the emotions from those early days, of not having control over what is done to me, feeling that my value to a man is just sexual, and that if I don't comply I'll be left on my own.
Me and my new boyfriend should be having fun, not dealing with complicated issues like this.
I've told him about the abuse, and asked him to be gentle with me. However, it seems to fall on deaf ears when we climb into bed.
I'm scared that I'll frighten him away if I let him know how upset I am.
I know you'll advise me to talk to him. I just bumped into your website and wanted to talk.
I haven't told my parents or any friends about this, so I've got no-one to talk to.
I'd be grateful of your support.
Where you know you can come for Professional, personal, right on target advice, life skills, crisis intervention,ask questions, confide in guaranteed help. With all the traps, scams, perverts and sites out there that are very unsafe, this site is your safe place. I have been doing this for 10 years.