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* July 07, 2004, 02:20:40 PM
­ok me and my boyfriend decided to take a break from each other for the summer but i think he is having second thougts about us being together because he wants me come see him and just recently he asked me to kiss him to see if the feelings were still there. Does this mean he still wants to be with me or he can't make up his mind up yet?

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July 14, 2004, 12:29:25 AM
#1
­ Shante:

OK, first it is not uncommon for a couple your age to want a break. It obviously means both of you have some doubts or are at that point where you have hit a "too familiar" point in your relationship. Now if you want this relationship to continue you have to put time and effort into to it. If you are not sure then you need to set limits just because he wants to be with you or kiss you does not mean you have to respond and do it. What do you want? If you want to keep your distance for a while longer until you have your feelings worked out then you need to tell him that. If he can't handle it then there is enough doubt there that the "break" will turn into a "breakup." Now if you are taking a mutual break you have to have a set of rules like whether you will both date others or you will stay faithful and only go out with your friends. If you decide that you both want to date then date. It has to be mutual though. Whenever you make a change in a relationship you need to sit down and communicate the rules that are going to be in play. Like what is OK to do, what isn't, when you will come back together and decide whether you both want to get back together or decide to call it quits. Your confusion and his is what is causing you to not know what is going on. I think you need to sit down and have a talk. The most important part of any relationship is that you are both honest, upfront with what you are doing and have an understanding of what is what plus for a break you need to have an end point. It can't just be indefinite that isn't fair to either of you. So, I would sit down and ask him what he is searching for by wanting to be together, to kiss and tell him where you are in your heart then make up your plan and make sure you both agree to it. Then you have boundaries and can stick to them for whatever period of time you both agree to stay separated. Then meet back together at the agreed upon designated time to decide if you do still want each other or if you want to break up. You have to have an ending it is all too confusing the way you have it now. OF course there is always the risk that one will want to get back and the other won't but that is the risk. A break is to give you both a set time to search your feelings to decide if you still love each other or want to be free to date other people and that what you had as a couple is over and you should try to end it as friends.
Have the talk and set the rules and set the time to come back together where you each tell whether you want to get back together or break up. This will end all of the confusion and both of you will be able to do your own thing until your decision date which you have to have.
This will solve your problem and also solve his confusion which is what he is going through because you have no clear understandings and no end date to make a final decision.
Good luck and let me know what happens,
Mary-Anne

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