­i need help. i have a g/f that i really do love and care about more then anything in the world. i have cheated on her being a compleat retard that i am. i dont know why i did it. i am trying to salvage the relationship. I would do any thing to make everything fine. Do u have any advice for me?

­ Dear Help123:

Well, you did do it didn’t you (smile). But it isn’t the end of the world even if you pay the ultimate price of losing your girlfriend. This is the biggest thing I try to teach teens, no matter what “Your actions are the ONLY things that you are” and “you will always pay the consequences for your actions.” That makes it very important at any age to think and never believe that doing something you know is wrong will not come back to you because someday it always will. Take that from one who has had many more years of experience and knows. Even if someone does something and “thinks” they get away with it believe me they never do. We all pay some day some way. Now, you made the choice and you acted on it, now you are paying the consequences for it. Betrayal is the greatest of all trust breakers. Trust is the bases for everything especially in a relationship. IT takes a long time to build trust but it can be destroyed in a moment. Can it be rebuilt, sometimes but rarely. Think about it even if you can get your girlfriend to forgive you and you two get back, it will never be the same and believe me in the back of her mind she will always wonder is he or isn’t he being faithful. She can never ever feel secure again that has been destroyed. I am sorry you can’t take back your actions that it why it is so important to think about what you do before you do it and what the consequences are because you will always get found out sooner or later one way or another. Besides the honor of just living up to who you are is so important that is your signature of who you are.
What can you do? All you can do is admit to your mistake, ask for forgiveness and it truly is up to your girlfriend what happens because she is the one who has been betrayed. You have to take whatever she decides and live with it. This is all part of growing up and being responsible for your actions. IF you lose her learn from this. This is not the end we all make mistakes and you will live and love again that I promise. Hopefully, you will grow from this and not ever do it again be it with this girl or the next girl in your life. But there is no taking it back, I can’t make it better or give you an out because there is none. It is very black and white you did it and your girlfriend has to decide what she can live with and what she can’t. She has to decide whether she can ever feel safe and trust you again. If she tries it will be real rough to rebuild the trust. There will always be questions. I have seen it go both ways mostly though in the end the person who has been betrayed just can’t shake it and it eats into the relationship so that it just never is the same and it goes down hill.
There is no excuse that is why all you can do is apologize, tell her you love her, you want to try and tell her you will respect her wishes and her decision and then do that. Don’t go chasing her if she says it is over. You will just become less and less in her eyes and in the end you still won’t get her back.
I am sorry this is one of life’s big lessons learn from it, don’t repeat it and if you get the lesson that I wrote about your actions from what happened you have gained a wealth of knowledge that will change your whole life and make you a much better person in every way. Not much consolation when your heart is hurting but it will later. One other thing beating yourself up is not of any use. It doesn’t last and really serves no purpose. It is better to learn and grow from mistakes or decisions that are not what we really know are best for us and involve the feelings of others. So lay off the beating yourself with negative words. I have never seen that work or last. That is more like you are just punishing yourself for getting caught. To learn from the action it is better than to call yourself negative things what purpose does it serve except maybe it makes you feel better.
I am sorry there are never any magical answers for being responsible for our actions and taking the consequences in life. It truly is what life is all about so the younger you learn the less you will hurt and hopefully the less you will screw up.
Do know we all make mistakes and we all think the world will end but it doesn’t. I have much I have paid for. I am on the “pay as you go plan” I don’t seem to ever get away with anything so I just learned finally and don’t do what I don’t believe in and what I know is wrong for me or those I love. But know most people never learn and those of us who do learn it was way past my teens. So don’t be too hard on yourself no matter what the outcome all actions and consequences are valuable lessons so give yourself a little break here you made a mistake you will make plenty more so get use to some of this. Just try not to repeat the same one’s that I think is a sign of something wrong with someone.
If she gives you another chance you are one lucky guy because betrayal hurts real bad. I hope you don’t mess it up again.
Do let me know what she decides I would like to know what she decides to do and how it goes with the two of you.
MaryAnne

­last night she told me to call her and that she has calmed down but she is still mad. we talked for about 4 hours and she wants to try to work through this. thanks for the help

­ Help123:

Man you are one lucky guy please learn from this and don't screw it up this time. She is one special girl and deserves all the respect and devotion you have to give her. I will truly pray that you both have what it takes to pull things back together and make it. At least you get the chance and that is more than most get.
I am on your side and hope it works. She is very rare I can't think of another girl worth risking her for so don't.
Good luck,
MaryAnne