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wierd
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* February 16, 2004, 11:30:39 AM
­i need help see i have this really cool guy cousin right and we get along really well. we've been great and stuff he's been here for the last year or so and well we get along like really good friends so i thought. the next thing i know my cousin confesses to me on v-day that he's got feelings for me more than just being cousins to top it all of he tried to kiss me. i dont know what to do cause first of all he's me cousin and second i don't feel like that for him. now i don't know how to act around him. may i say what the hell is wrong with my cousin.

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March 02, 2004, 01:12:11 AM
#1
­ Maria:

Huh, well first may I say it is not unusual for relatives to be attracted to each other especially cousins. Unless you have been raised together it is easy for extended family members to be attracted and fall for each other. I mean think about it. Unless relatives are raised together constantly, your cousin doesn't know you any more than any other girl he finds attractive so he is going on his primal instincts which are he is male you are attractive female. His hormones don't know or understand that you are his cousin. So don't be too hard on him for having normal attracted feelings.
Now if you have been raised around each other or are immediate family members then we get into very "sick" human dynamics like brother and sisters or father/daughters things that are very abnormal and leave the victim traumatized and in need of therapy to work through the abnormal relationship that developed and was acted upon by the perpetrator.
But let's stay with your cousin and I will assume you two haven't been brought up together. So he is having normal male attraction for you.
Now what to do. Well, he is going to be your cousin for life so you need to work through this Maria and make it so you and "cuz" can have a friendly relationship.
I would sit him down the next time I see him and explain what I did in this letter to him. Tell him you can understand his feelings but that you don't have those kind of feelings towards him other than as a cousin that you are fond of as a cousin. Tell him you would like to continue a cousin to cousin friendship and hope that he will respect that and ask him if he can have that kind of relationship with you? If he says he can then tell him that you and he will continue on as friends and never speak of what was said before again. Then as long as he stays and acts like a cousin things can be fine. If he ever steps out of line then Maria you will have to terminate the relationship and tell him so and why and that this is the end of a relationship between the two of you. Tell him you expect him to respect that and to never violate your wishes again or you will tell your parents.
If you ask him about having a friendship cousin relationship and explain to him you can not have any more than that because as far as you are concerned it is not normal and he can not accept it and continues to want more. Then you will have to terminate any kind of relationship with him other than superficial hi and bye and explain that to him. Ask him to respect that for you there can never be more than what is normal and natural between blood relatives.
Then if he can not control himself you will have to just stay away from him or tell your parents and that you are uncomfortable being around him.
Hopefully he has a brain in his head and will understand and respect that you do not want to be kissing cousins and if he wants any relationship with you he needs to keep it to just cousin to cousin with no more to it than that.
Good luck, I think you can handle it and still have your "cuz" as a cousin.
MaryAnne

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