LFA Café

LFA Café


I need boyfriend advice desperately
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* September 23, 2006, 10:08:33 PM
­I will just get straight to the point! I have been dating this guy named Brandon for about a month. There are several things I don't like about him 1. he drinks 2. he has 5 tattoos and wants more 3. he does not have a car and he is 22 6. he still lives at home with his parents. Need I say any more! I know that I can do better than him because I am a smart, pretty, athletic girl with a great personality! However, I have this one small problem! I have a terrible fear of being alone!!! I don't know why I have this fear! I just do! I guess I don't want to be one of those people who ends up never getting married and ends up being a crazy old maid or something! What should I do I really need your advice!
Thank you so much!


October 05, 2006, 11:08:04 PM
­ Jessie:

First of all thanks for writing :). Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am playing catch up after my computer went down.
Second why are you going all the way to an old maid at 17? I mean you have a long while before you need to be bringing that scenario into the picture. So there is something else more immediate. You are only 17 and have many guys to go through before you “settle” for a guy that you say you find unacceptable.
Even if you can't stand being alone why did you pick someone like him if you feel you have all these attributes going for you? It seems to me you would pick a more successful type guy to not be alone with? He is the "bad boy" image which we all fall for at some point in our lives, is that it? We all seem to have this desire for the bad boy type once in our lives and some never get over it.
There was something that attracted you to this guy not just your fear of being alone. So there must be something you do find appealing and attractive about him or you wouldn't stay with him. Maybe you are not so secure and going for someone you feel is unacceptable your real fear is being covered. You don’t want to be the one rejected but rather be the one to reject????
Our fears are born out of our imagination of future fears coming true. At 17 you have such a long way to go to be even thinking about ending up alone so I am afraid I can’t go with that as being the reason you are with Mr. Badboy.
Think about these things and find out what the real reason you picked him, are with him and find yourself in conflict over him. I think it is more important to find out the answers to these questions so you can work on the real issue instead of just accepting that at 17 you have a fear of being alone 50 years from now.
As far as your fear of being alone, Jessie there are no guarantees. Even if you found a guy and did all you could to hold on to him there are so many unknowns in life you will never be assured that you won’t be alone. You could marry the healthiest, greatest guy in the world and he could die on you at any time. Then he could leave you I mean the divorce rate is 50% today there just isn’t any way to be assured that you won’t have to stand on your own which there is nothing wrong with. Sometimes being with someone can be the loneliest thing in the world. You would do better finding what you are missing in you that makes you have such a fear. Why not become independent, sure of yourself and find out what your talent is and make it on your own so you never have to live in fear?
It must be terrible to live with such a fear because it is saying that you really don't think you are worth that much or you would know you just couldn't end up alone as there is always someone for everyone. Now what we do with that is up to us but you will meet plenty of guys and plenty of guys will want you. It will only be by choice that you end up alone.
I would find out what is missing in myself to where I think I am not worth someone that I consider worthy of me. I would find out why you need a man so desperately and why being alone would be so bad if it did happen like I said, where you planned it all right, married and he died or left you.
Get rid of the fear Jessie then the rest will take care of itself. SO work on these questions, find the answers inside yourself. Then you can relax and have a great rest of your life as far as coming from love and not fear.
Think about these things and then write back and tell me what you have discovered about Jessie. What the true fear is. I will be glad to help you get rid of it but you have to want to find your truth and not settle for living from desperation or fear. You have to do the work to find your truth and then I can help you put it all in place so you can move on with your life and come from love for Jessie and then you will attract the kind of love you want in every other area of your life. It truly is very simple once we get the formula down and understand what is really going on within us. So why not have it all, you can you know, everyone can. I am writing about that now and will be putting it up on the web site soon. How to learn the formula to getting all we want, our way and not settling for anything.
Let me know what you find out from within and if you want to work it out.

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