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BF Problems
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* August 25, 2005, 10:41:18 PM
­I been in a relationship for a long time. He's going to college, and I am bidding him goodbye. We agree to call each other every saturday. Everyone wants us to break it off because I feel sad, but it not that. We are in a LDR. My mom told me that the best thing about it is that we never have to say goodbye. I love him too much to split up. We think spliting up will just make it sadder. Please, I'm confuse and need advice how to tell people we are together.

One of the reasons we share is because we both were born with Autism. We met online, and met in real life. It was love at first sight. He stopped me from making the sadest mistakes that could alter my life. He is my guardian angel, and I am for him.

-Psycho

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September 01, 2005, 12:09:40 AM
#1
­ Psycho:

I am sorry at how you are looking at this whole arrangement. You have given away all your power to peer pressure and are actually letting other people dictate your life. You even feel that you owe these people an explanation so that you can stay in this relationship. WHY???
Are you going to have people tell you what to be when you grow up? Are you going to have people determine your career, what your dreams are and who you are to end up marrying? Do you see how much of yourself you have given away to other people if you go on with this kind of thinking? These people are not even going to be living your life much less taking the consequences for the decisions that you are giving them the power to make for you?
That is your real problem. You have no problem with your relationship, you are creating a problem and are actually thinking about breaking up with the guy you say you love to please other people. If you really love “You” and love “Him” you would not care what any one thinks about your relationship, they aren’t going to be spending the rest of their life with him you are. So if you are the one who is going to be spending the rest of your life with this guy then shouldn’t you be the one who makes the decision about who you do spend the rest of your life with and have children with if you choose to have children?
Let’s get the problem straight first and then I believe you will find your own answer is quite clear already, you just want me to validate it for you. I want you to grow up and to learn how to make your own decisions. Because you are the one who is going to be living with the consequences of all your decisions so I am showing you what you are doing and what the outcome is going to be by giving up your own self to people to please them.
He is the most important part of your life according to your letter so make your decision based on that by putting you first and what is going to make you happy and him second and what he wants if he loves you so much. Is there a problem there? Does he feel the same way as you do? If he does then you don’t need me, or your mother or anyone else’s input. Your b/f and you sit down and decide what is best for both of you and what you want from each other and can you both deliver?
Answer the questions together with each other’s input and decide from there what you both want for the present. Let the future take care of itself as it belongs to no one.
If you both love each other and yeah it is rough to say goodbye with him going away to school put plenty of people do it and make it. There are plenty of people in the business world who live in different states that are married with children and have some of the best and happiest marriages I have ever seen. Time together is not what will break up a romance listening to other people will and giving away your power to make your own decisions individually and then together is what makes a strong marriage.
So, face the real problem are you both truly in love with each other and there are no fears and “what ifs” then you have no problem right? You just have some pain which is natural every time he goes back to school. So you trust him? Trust is the foundation for love so you need to have complete faith and trust in each other that is the formula for love and longevity. Isn’t it better to say good-bye for a few weeks than for a life time?
Think about your formula for life now I don’t think it is a very healthy one because you are not in control of it. You and b/f are not working this out together which is how it should be and tell your friends to butt out and work on their own lives and relationships you will take care of yours.
Think this through, talk to b/f and write me back and let me know what you decided to do.
I believe my advice is solid and true to making a relationship work. Go for it and have fun don’t take life so seriously, love him, play together, pray together and stay together.
Mary-Anne

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