Sorry this is a little long.. I’m hoping that’s okay.. but I’m just deeply confused about my situation and am seriously in need of help and support. Currently I am confused regarding my boyfriend who has ADHD. The thing is he is so easily influenced and somewhat bi-polar and impulsive due to this disorder. I love him and I accept him for who he is. That is why I accept what he does and know not to hold it against him.
To begin, i wanted you to know that this is both mine and my guy's first SERIOUS relationship.. He had five before me but with me things were more serious. And he has this things about running from his problems... Which makes it difficult...
Something that is important is that my bf and I were good friends for about 6 months before we started "talking", getting to know each other and developing a couple type relationship. Throughout this time he was by my side through every thing and I always turned to him when I needed to talk about anything. He worshipped me and cared for me.. And expressed his love for me a variety of ways... To be honest, he was my first kiss too.. *sigh*
Above I said that he's bipolar because with him, I face two people. The first one, the man that I actually do love, is very caring, dependable, constantly by my side, and always putting me first. The second one, is very influential, uncaring, and very negative.
A few examples if the great things he’s done for me are that he saved up three months of a $5/a week allowance and babysat for $15 a night during the beginning of our one year five month relationship twice in a row once to get me this crystal flower that I told him I really liked for my birthday in September and then the next was to get me silk robes for Christmas because I was admiring them. For Valentines day last year he wrote me this poem about how his only wish is to be with me for all eternity as one… Where there is nothing else for him, he can’t see it any other way, and nothing else he’d want but for me to be with him because otherwise he’d be empty inside…
The first time we broke up, was a year ago April 26th. We were having problems and then so he got scared and felt that we should break up. Soon we started “talking” again and things were great but then he strayed. I’m his opposite and the other girl was his exact twin… Well not exact but she’s all out partying and fun while I’m more down to earth and serious… So then, he came back two months later out of the realization that he loved me and that I really did love him. At this time, he needed my support because he was facing felony charges which were accidental.
Eventually it was passed off as a misdemeanor and we were together again and everything was great because he was the man that i loved. He was wonderful. He held two jobs during the week one from 5am-11am during the weekends when he had to work from 12Pm-12 AM at the other one. He’d visit me after he finished the second job despite the fact by the time he’d get home he’d only have only an hour or so of sleep. There have been many a time when we go to the mall and I’d say I like something and even though he has minimal money and has bills to pay he’d buy it for me. Like one time they were selling this gold jewelry set and I liked one pendent.. He bought the entire set just so that I could have the pendent… This was the guy I loved so deeply… So wholeheartedly as he loved me…
The entire time after we got back, it was always me saying that I love him and then he’d be like he loves me more and I’d ask how he would know all that and he’d be like cause he does. And it made me so happy because I knew I loved him so deeply and I knew he would do whatever it takes to help me and be there for me…
Well its been nearly five months since we've been together and he's at the point where his friends have become an important part of his life and it seems like my words no longer matter.
Now it is as if what they say is true. Even though everything I do, i do because of him. Honestly we've been through so much and its hard for me because I can't see how he could think so badly of me.
See, the problem is on Friday night Jan 23th, 2004 he promised me he'd call early around 11 or 12 and so he didn't and i started calling him but then he wouldn't pick up. I began worrying so I went to his house and awaited his arrival home so that I would feel better. I arrived there at 1 something in the morning and he arrived home at 1:59. My dad was yelling at me to go home. And I began to get ready to head home but he wanted me to stay with him. So that's what I did. I told him i was so worried about him and i told him about how i feel about him. He hugged me really tight like he appreciated my worrying and caring for him.. Then I told him I think we should go on a break because he needed time to himself and I needed it too. So that he could spend time with his friends like he wanted. He slowly agreed. He said that I'm his and he'd fight for me. And he'd fight hard for me. Soon five in the morning came around and I said I needed to go, he complained that I shouldn't have to.. But I needed to so he allowed me to go home and I did.
But before I did, he made sure by telling me that I am his and he would never let anyone else have me or share me with another. THat he'd fight for me through everything.. And that he loved me... etc... Basically put forth his feelings and thoughts of me....
He talked to my sister later that day, and he said that he felt i was psycho for doing that. For showing up at his house because I was worried about him. But he said, he loved me. So he didn't know what to do.
Two days later he called, I didn't pick up cause I was in the shower.. So he called my house and told my sister to have me call him when I got home. She said I was in the shower and then he started complaining that he didn't know what to do. She was like about what.. he continued mumbling he didn't know... And then soon, my sisters boyfriend called in so she had to let him go and he called me again...
I just got out of the shower and asked Do you miss me? And he was like i'm sorry. I was like what you don't miss me? and he was like I'm sorry. I was like are you leaving me? And he said I'm sorry. I was shocked. I asked him why. He said he no longer loved me. I was confused and shocked because I thought things were going well. I hadn't known at this time that he thought i was psycho for Saturday morning.
I told him to come over. He said he was tired and I said I deserve at least that. So he did. And he appeared as this angry monster, glaring and negative, something I've never seen before. He looked like he hated me. There was no emotion but anger on his face. I was like you really don't love me no more? And he waited a while and nodded slowly a nod that was barely visable. I was like what? cause i couldn't really see the nod it was barely there.
I was shocked. I was like you don't want to be with me anymore? He's like he did not want me to think that. I was like okay that's not true becuase he had said he didn't even love me. He's like okay he lied he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He didn't want to drag on our relationship and one day turn to me and be like I haven't loved you for a while. But how could that be cause we've been together for more than a year, on and off. He loved me and dedicated himself to me and then he starts spending time with his friends and suddenly its over?
He said that his friends made him realize that I was keeping him on a leash, i was demanding, and all these other things. He said he was too blinded by love to realize it. But then these people they don't know me. Only like one of them know, because the rest of them are his coworkers at the job he began pretty recently about six months. And these coworkers have also been the people he's been spending his time with after work too...
I remember one time I cooked him lunch cause he had no money and I brought it to him at work cause he called me for it. He works at the mall by the way. So we were at the food court and he told me how his co workers said that he was whipped, and he laughed because he found it funny because I was the one bringing HIM lunch. HE then said, that they told him that that's what HE thinks that I was just using that as a way to get him to do what I want him to do.
He said they also said that one day I'm going to take back the cell phone that I gave him if we broke up. He asked me and I said I didn't know.
So then during our break up i couldn't think and I told him I wanted the phone back because from the way I saw it, i gave it to him with love and if he found someone new, more than likely by that time I wouldn't have. And it would hurt me because he'll be sharing his love with someone else over something I gave him out of my love. I saw one tear go down his face and he turned away
He started complaining becuase he wouldn't have the money to pay the early termination fee and he owuldn't know what to do. He'd have to pond everything of value. Like his PS2, tv, and swords.
He got up and wanted to leave many times during this conversation, running for that door. He began to do this at this time. I called him back told him to come sit in front of me on the bed. He sat there, I took his hands. (By the way, previously during this time, he didn't even want to touch me, or me to touch him, which is not like him at all).
I told him I did not regret everything I've done for him that I loved him that i was there for him through it all. Like when he had no money for car insurance, his parents took his car away and I gave him mine despite needing it for school. I was there for him through everything.
I just wanted him to appreciate it. I was crying. And after a while, he started crying like crazy. Bawling really. He said it was because he had to pond his swords. I was like so you cry over your swords yet not over me? And he was like he spent the past two nights crying over me because he knew he was going to hurt me and he didn't want to.
He asked me when I wanted my phone back and I told him Valentines Day. Cause he gets his paycheck the day before so he could better pay off the things he needed to.
I had him lay with me but he didn't even hold me I had to ask him to hold me. SO then he had left and he left angry and my dog bit him which made it worse.
I then began worrying because I've been vomiting and stuff so I called him and told him I might be pregnant. He was like so what do you want to do about it. I was like I want him with me through it but only if he wanted to. I asked him if he wantedto? He said he didn't know. He kept saying that so I finally gave in and said I'll do it on my own then. (he's easily confused)
I was like did he want to know about it. He was like he didn't know. I then waited and mumbled that I was waiting for the cops and he was like WHAT?! Like I did something wrong but I didn't. I told him the situation that my cousins car got paint balled, then i told him how this guy hit my car with his car door because i turned him down too. And the weird thing is my girlfriend also had her car break down. All the day after me and him broke up. He was quiet and I was like what are you thinking. He was like nothing, he was tired though. And he wanted to talk about it later. I told him thank you for helping me realize he didn't love me no more. Then he got angry and was like WHAT I'M TIRED OKAY? and i was like I’m not mad. And then i asked him so he wanted to talk about it later then? And he was like yea. I was like okay should i call him or he call me? He said he'll call me. I was like when should I expect your phone call? He was like tomorrow. I was like would it matter if i have school until 4 he was like no. Its fine..
So Wednesday comes he doesn't call.
THen Feb 02, i couldn’t stand it anymore I called him up. And told him i wanted to talk to him. I went into the shower because he was busy. And my friend call him and he said its over, he's over me, and the reasons why were complicated.
So then I have school at 8 in the morning and he has work at 5 so i thought that at least he'd be smart enough to get home before 9 so that we could both get our sleep but he stayed out until 10 something and was tired.
Then we started talking and I told him that I realized that i probably did some things wrong and I explained some like how i could go out too while he's out and not get upset about him being out because I have to wait for his phone call. He then said its too late, its over.
I was like i don't get it. He's like why is it always you, you, you. I was like what are you talking about? He's like everything you do for me, you do it so that i have to do things for you. I was like that's not true I do them because I love him. And he's like what ever. I was like okay. And i started back into my raving, and he said well, why do i emphasize my I's. I was probably cause I’m trying to get him to understand my point that everything I do is for him and our relationship. He means so much to me I just can't see how it could just be over like that. He was like see it's always you even during our break up. I was like, i have the right too because I dedicated myself to him during our relationship now that he's leaving me, I have the right to fight for myself. I have the right to care about my circumstances and myself.
He’s like it’s over. I was like why? He’s like cause he’s moved on. I was like how could that be. We’ve been together so long. He can’t just be done with me that easily unless it’s another girl. He said it isn’t. And so I was like then how. He said because he’s had a lot of other relationships, he’s learned how to move on fast. I was like well I’m sorry but I haven’t yet because he’s my first real relationship and my first love. You know, just like how i'm his. He’s like well then its time I learned. I was like I can’t believe he’d be such a ***** because that is what he was being like because he was basically saying that okay, I put you in this position, now get your self out of it. He’s like he doesn’t know any other way to put it..
Somehow, we got around to the point where he’s like why do you want your phone back. I was like I don’t.. He’s like why… like he suspected that I had an ulterior motive like his friends said I do with everything I do.. I was like because I want him to have because I love him and I gave it to him because I loved him… And the only reason I wanted it back was because it would hurt me if he used that phone to share his love with someone else… Had he called earlier I would have told him so.. and then he just got quite….
I don’t know. WE didn’t finish cause he was too tired to finish the conversation. He said he will be calling me tomorrow. I was like honestly? And he was like yea. I was okay then. Talk to him tomorrow. I don’t know what to do anymore. How could he be so confused. It’s like his friends have made him into something different. You know what I mean?
Well he hasn’t called. I’m not surprised but I wish I understood why all of this is happening. It is so out of the blue..
I remember the last time we broke up he kept everything I gave him. EVERYTHING, where it was, never once moving it. I asked him why and he was like why wuh... I was like why didn't you put the stuff i gave you away.. He was like because I loved me and he wanted the stuff I gave him there... I was like are you sure you just weren't too lazy to do so? He was like no.. he had a lot of opportunities cause he's always in his room and stuff.. BUt he didn't want to.. THat everything he does has a reason behind it.. I was like really.. He was like you don't believe me.. And i just smiled and was like yes i believe you...
So his mother tells me that now.. everything is still there.. And sometimes its as if he can't even stand being in his room so he comes out and spends time with his family.. Which is a rare occurence.. But i don't know anymore...
I feel like he’s too caught up in being with his friends and he broke up with me because his pride was hurt.. The thing is his parents has always told him his stupid, can’t do anything, blah, blah.. so he feels like he needs to fight for his pride.. he is a man and he has to prove it.. More than likely because his co-workers/friends are telling him that I’m controlling him.. the more they say it he’ll start to believe it cause they are always around him.. nearly 24-7 only when his not asleep… So then it hurts him and he starts to believe the things they say and so on.. Now I don’t know what to do.. I know inside he loves me but I don’t know what to do anymore.. What to say.. etc… I know I should give him his space.. but what if it doesn’t help.. I love him so its so hard to be without him for a week muchless a lifetime… I feel empty inside, empty of all emotions. Barely able to keep a smile on my face... How much time is too much time.. What should i do.. I don't know anymore...
