­Hi, this might sound dumb but i have this friend who likes this girl. I have been trying to set them up for the past few weeks. While i was trying to set them up i started talking to this girl a lot. I have started to fall for her. She lives in my neighborhood and comes to my house a lot and we hang out. my friend likes her very much and I think she kind of likes him too. I am wondering if i should telll her that i like her or not. I just don't want my friend to get mad at me. I was just wondering what i should do.Any help is appreciated.

thanks

­ Hi Basketball:

Well,as soon as I read your first line I knew what the rest of your dilemma was . This is not unusual at all. That's why it is better to stay out of the match making business because the match maker is usually the loser. So, where to go from here? The best way is to be up front and honest so that you don't intentionally hurt anyone. You need to realize that it is a risk, one that you might lose your friend, But he will still respect you and If he is really your friend and if you are up front with him he should understand you can not help what you did not plan. Second you might lose her but again I would rather lose people because I was honest and honorable than a betrayer and a sneak. I would first go to my friend because in the end he is the one who is going to get hurt the most in this and your relationship with him already exists and has bond between you two. She is a "potential" with many question marks yet. So you owe him the first talk about what happened and how you feel. This way you can also hear and see how he feels and hopefully work out how to keep the friendship tight and yet face reality. You can't control your feelings no one can. You can ask him can he control his feelings for her? No, he can't so you are no different. Now are you sure this girl is on the up and up and not playing the two of you against each other for her own ego? I just want to cover all the bases so you get out of this with your friendship still intact and maybe a new girl. But you have to look at everything and make sure she is being fair and not just enjoying having the two of you want her. OK, back to your friendship. You explain like an mature person who cares about your friendship, don't act guilty for anything though, OK? You didn't do anything wrong but it is something that needs to be dealt fairly and quickly before untrue things come out and you lose your friend needlessly.
You just tell him that you have feelings for this girl and you are sorry that you can no longer help set them up together because of your feelings. I mean if you both have it for her she does have to be the one to choose who and what. So the two of you work through your friendship feelings and then decide how to approach the situation. If he says he can not stand the idea of you dating her then you will need to leave him and go to her and ask her what her feelings are. If she says you read her wrong then you can go back to your friend and say well you don't have to worry about her and I dating but you will need to pursue her on your own now. If she says she also has it for you then you need to go back to your friend and set him straight that the feelings are mutual, now that you know straight from her that she has it for you and that your friend will need to decide if a girl that never had it for him is worth giving up your friendship for. If he doesn't think anymore of your friendship that his ego which is what that would be, because he hasn't even dated her yet so he has only illusions about her from his own wants not from feelings based on reality.
Of course if he says he is hurt but he understands and won't let her come between the two of you, you have no problem.
This is tuff one to get through but a really good one to learn how to do "Right" because you will come across this again and in other kinds of situations. So if you follow the steps I listed and do this in the order I gave you, honestly and honorably, with no apologizing, because you didn't do anything wrong, you will come out of this with no fault on you and it will stay uncomplicated and if anyone gets hurt it will be their own doing not yours. What the other people do from there is their own problem and what they have to live with. No matter what the end result is you will have their respect that I can promise. If you have a true friend he should come around either tonight when you talk to him or soon after his ego quiets down. If she is for real you should have a new girlfriend and I hope they both do care about you.
But don't be sneaky and go talk to her first and discuss him behind his back. Don't just see each other like you are friends putting him off making him feel you are still in there pitching for him. Don't let him find out from someone else or from her friends because all girls talk to their friends and then their friends talk. Do right by everyone and this is how to do that. I can't promise they will do right by you but at least you don't have to have any regrets or guilt for what you did and that is who and all you are responsible for "YOU". Got it?
OK, now let me know what happens please, that is how I get paid back for doing this for free, because I care.
Good luck,
Mary-Anne

­ Hey, thanks a lot for your help i'll try what you said.I'll let you know how it turns out. Thanks again.

­ Basketball:

OK, I will hope for a double play and you get to keep your friend and start a new romance what a way to start the year !
Mary-Anne