­ Hey,
Ive got a few questions about love. Im 15 and my boyfriend iz 15 weve been together for 10 monthes we relle think were in love, not saying we havent had a few problems. We have had a few fights and questioned each others love for each other but eventually worked things out, and right now were great. So u ask why im writing this, because i just want a second opinion about love could 2 people have fallen in love so quickly? ive heard about instances but im not positively sure, maybe time can only tell. Me and my boyfriend get along very very well and we enjoy each others company completely we are together alomost everyday and it never seems to get boring other then not knowing wat to do some dayz because it seems like theres nothing but then we usually just go to his house or my house and just relax and talk and watch a movie or t.v. or go for a walk. I had a hard time trusting in the beggining that he loved me for no reason just because i wasnt sure he showed it i knew he did but i wasnt sure he knew wut he was saying. And i started to relle trust him and put everything into him at one point and then he called me and said i relle need to talk to u, i talked to him for at least 4 hours that night till we got kicke doff the phone, he told me that he was sure he loved me and cared for me as much as before and that (during school we go to diff schools) when we werent together (sumtimes 3-4 dayz when we were in school)he was thinking but when he was with me he knew he loved me. I asked him out of curiousity if he liked n e one else and he said.. im not sure i tihnk i might a little bit so that relle hurt me and i found out later this girl was always emailing him and he was emailing he bak. i read all the emails and i was upset that he didnt stop her. we took a break and he realized he didnt like this girl and he relle wanted me bak and i love him so we got bak together and everytihngs been great, when we got bak together i asked him, "if u relle loved me how cud u tihnk at one point u didnt and how cud u maybe like this person" and he said because he just started a new job and the end of school activitys and exams made him feel like he had an overload and then calling me almost felt like a chore and ive had that feeling before too. Well that was the biggest fight we had and we worked it out and everything is perfect!!!! I Was just wondering after all this.. do u think that it cud be real love cause i relle think i LOVE him its so amazing how i feel with him and i trust now that he feels the same..I Have so much fun with him.
Well im just lookin for another opinion from sumone lookin from the outside in. thank u soo much in advance.
*~ME~*

­ Hey ME:

I will give you an opinion from one who has been around love more than once and just let it be something you think about then move on because in the end love is a personal thing and people look for all kinds of different things in their own personal way calling it “love.” Our definition of love is formed by how we are loved as we are brought up and that is why it is so elusive and most people as they grow up find that their definition of love changes according to what stage of life they are in. You are in the “first stage” being 15. So your wants, needs and how you define love is totally different from how you will want, need and define it when you are in your 20’s and so on. Get it? So for where you are in life of course I never doubt anyone who feels they are “in love.” Because I believe they are. Age is relevant because of the stages we go through in life are defined by numbers called an “age range.” I never wanted to believe I could be put in a category with others as I always wanted and believed I was unique which I am as you and everyone is but on some things we are able to categorize and generalize people. Stages of life are definitely predictable for us as humans and we can put some commonalities on stages of life.
So, ME I say don’t waste your time questioning whether or not you are in love, go with it. If you and b/f feel you love each other then you do and I would ride the wave as long as it was mutual, positive, loving and you both were giving only the best and getting the best out of the relationship. Questions things when you are having problems but don’t question when everything is perfect for you. Love is personal, unique to the person and as long as you are not getting betrayed or hurt by the person you love and the other person is putting as much into the relationship as you are go for it.
Have fun, enjoy and for you and b/f, what you mean to each other is love treat it as such, respect each other, remember love doesn’t equal sex there are many ways to show love. If you study Asian and Arab countries they restrain showing love through sex at such a young age and they do seem from all the work I do with them, to have better relationships. Their relationships stay respectful, the girl has more control and is given more power because she holds the “trump” card. The girls seem to have more self respect. So remember not to confuse sex and love. If he loves you he will wait and if you love yourself you will wait. If you think sex is the “ultimate” way to show him you love him then come back and let me show you how that is a male “head game” and I will show you how it is not the ultimate way and at 15 I will prove to you how you are the loser and just another number. For now let’s stay high on love and that you and b/f just have a great summer being in love. I am happy for you and glad you are in love.
Thanks for writing let me know how things go and if you need me for problems I am here always,
Mary-Anne

­ Hey again,
thank you for ur advice it was very helpful, i have another questions tho. What happens if u feel u love somebody but u seem to have doubts..or u think ur b/f has doubts, but relle when ur together everything is perfect? and u and ur b/f think that everything iz perfect when ur together. But when ur apart u might think other wise, u might think that everything isnt so perfect? is there anything wrong with that?..I think it might be justr because were getting so comfortable and were just getting used to that "not new" feeling..im not sure tho, just wondering if u cud help.
thank you
~*ME*~

­ Me:

Well, you know you are looking for what you will never have a guarantee. Relationships are made up of people and people grow, change and have weaknesses that allow things to happen. All you can do is accept your own feelings, accept what he tells you until you find out otherwise. It is all a risk but if you don't risk you never get to know what you could have had. We all get hurt and you will have your share of hurts. When you are "in love" you are in love but there is no time limit on how long love will last. Hey look at parents the divorce rate is 50% in the US. So you gamble because love is worth the gamble even when it hurts. You give it what you have but never give all of yourself away so if and when something does happen you are not destroyed and you can pick up the pieces, learn from it and move on to love again. So don't spend so much time trying to analyze because that leads to trying to predict and to control and love can never be controlled. Love has a mind of its own it lasts as long as it will last and when it is over there is nothing you can do to prevent it from being over. Yes, you have to work at it to keep it alive and growing but as long as we are mere mortals we are subject to changing unexpectedly.
How do we make all this alright in us? Well that is where you need to focus on your own self worth and make it so that you look inside yourself for most of your needs and then you share yourself with the loves in your life but don't ever make another person responsible for your happiness, feeling complete within yourself or destroy you if they walk away for whatever reason. You get that from within and then you love freely without fear because you know even if it ends you still have you and that it was just the wrong person or the right person for that period of time in your life. But there are no answers that lead to guarantees because love is fickle and you can not control love love controls you just don't let it devour you. Love as long as you feel love. He will love as long as he feels love enjoy your time, work at nuturing your love, your feelings and when love ends remember how great it was and move on. But no one not even your love can predict what the future holds for your love.
So try to stop thinking so much and just go with it, no matter what he tells you what will be will be, so promises are useless if he finds a girl at his school again then it will happen no matter how many times he promises it won't. Stay in the present, love and work on your self worth realizing that the more self worth you have the less pain you will get with love.
Mary-Anne