­ Hello to everyone...

Well, I'm new to this site. I was just curious... I'm 20, I have this girlfriend that is 18. We met when we we're 16 and 14. Well, ever sence then we hit it off pretty well... It's been on and off sence one particular incident with her and my bestfriend. Well, when I was 18. She had slept with my bestfriend. It tore the ever-loving-crap out of my heart because I truly cared about this girl. Well, We stopped talking for years. Now all of a sudden she's back in my life. And everything is going awsome... I ALWAYS think about what happened with her and My friend. It is messed up of me. But, EVERY time we argue I bring it up... I cannot help it... I try not to. But, I know it pushes her buttons. ­She says she would never do that again. And that i'm her one and only... Should I trust her for something that happened 2 1/2 years ago? or Should I let it go like it never happened?

Another thing is... She is talking about marriage! I care about her. But she is the type of girl that I would want to be a mother. And the type of person I want later on in life. I have so many girls that want to be with me. And I want to be with them also. I just don't know what I should do... I want to break it off with her... but, I in turn don't want to lose her... I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!!!!!! PLZ HELP! =(
^Thank you^
^Very very sad man^
^Rocky^

My email is

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and my screen name for AOL\AIM is
BoardingDragonX

Plz give me advice if you can.
Thank you.

­ Rocky:

Huh, seems to me you do have a problem. After reading your letter I got confused. You say you really care for this girl yet there are so many girls out there you want to be with, well something is missing. I mean first you are 20 which is too young I think to marry you haven't even experienced life yet much less finished school and got your career set up. Those things need to come first if any marriage is going to have a chance.
Let's take your first question, if you were madly in love with this girl I could see how what happened so long ago might be an issue but you are not or you wouldn't want to date all these other girls waiting in line.
So why do you bring this up in fights I think just to press her buttons. I wonder if it is ego and you know if you hit her with that she will back down and you feel you win I mean what can she say. Who can argue the past? I think you should re-evaluate why you need to bring back the past and why you can't live in the present. We all make mistakes I am sure you are not a saint and we all grow from our mistakes. If you care about someone and are growing as a person you never throw the past up as it is a moot point in the present. You either accept it or get out of the relationship as something you can not accept but you don't keep using it as a weapon. So let it go or let her go.
Now, next about marriage as I said you are far from ready just from what you wrote in your letter here much less your feelings for this girl are not "that" strong to warrant marriage in the present at 20 and 18. You both have a lot of growing up to do. Just your wording shows you are not ready for marriage with her or anyone which is good. Now is the time in your life to experience life in all the ways you want to so that when you do get to the place that you are ready to marry you will be able to have your life of experience to give to being a good mate and not needing to mess around because you feel you missed out on life when you were young. So it is quite normal and healthy to be single throughout your 20's most people are not marrying until their 30's now if you meet Ms. Right then you will know it and you will have no doubt and no hesitation about all the girls you will be missing out on. It is nice and clear when it comes to marriage if you listen to your inner voice. You will know when the time is right and who the young woman is no doubts I promise you that. IF you have doubts about anything time, person, losses, whatever then don't even consider it. I also warn you if she is wanting marriage I would be very careful about birthcontrol and make sure you are taking precautions or you may find yourself a father before you are ready.
What is wrong with dating her and other girls? Then you will find out how you truly feel, be able to enjoy your youth and know when the time is right who you want to spend the rest of your life with and when. Think about talking lovingly and straight to your girlfriend about not being mutually exclusive because I am afraid if you don't you are going to keep throwing the past up at her, hurting her and using it as an excuse to either go out behind her back or as an excuse to get out of the relationship so you can date others you find tempting. I think it would be much kinder and more mature to face this straight up and tell her you care for her but you are no where near ready to marry. That may take care of everything or if it doesn't then you may need to sit her down and say you are not ready to be exclusive in your relationship. Yes, you may lose her or at least have one major unhappy girlfriend but to keep beating her up for the past as an excuse and having desire for other girls anyway you are eventually going to go out or hurt your girlfriend so bad you will lose all respect for her for taking it from you. And you will have really hurt her for a long time which is the most loving way? I have a feeling everytime you throw the past up at her you are really hurting her already so you need to get straight with her. Think about her feelings as well as yours even if you have to endure some pain, care for her enough to let go if need be.
OK, let me know what you think and decide,
MaryAnne

Well, Thanks for your advice... and I've thought about everything you've said... It's very confusing yes... I've figured out that I just need to let her go. Be her friend, If she doenst want to be my friend then she is losing out. Because if all I can offer is my friendship. And she doesnt want that. Then it's not my fault, right?

One question I do have for you... You stated a few times about meeting "ms. right" Well, do you believe there is one single person out there in the world for everyone? Like I mean, People search there entire lives looking for their "soul-mate" but, I honestly think that there is more than just one person in the world that you can be happy with right? Thank you again for your help.

­I think you are making a wise and honorable decision. The "fair" decision for both of you in the end. Eventually you would end up going out on her. I think it is much better to face the truth and at your age you are suppose to be dating different people how else do you think you find out what you want in a mate. Besides when you are "sure" you won't have any doubts or questions believe me. As far as is there one right person for all times well I guess everyone has an opinion on that one. I think not. I think there are several "rights" and that is good. Just like Paul McCartney he loved his wife for 30 something years never spend a night apart except for his pot experience. He adored her but she died. Then he meets another woman who he loves dearly in a different way. This woman isn't to take Linda's place she is her own person and he loves her for who she is. In my experience you can love more than one person in different ways over a life time. I do believe there is a big difference in being in love with someone for life than in people who marry then divorce and marry several times over. These people I do not believe are truly in love they are lacking something in themselves that they keep looking for someone else to complete for them. So you have to be careful to make sure you are in love with one of your soul mates and not looking for someone to complete you.
I hope you can break up and be free as far as friends I don't think you can expect that. It is said that friends can become lovers but lovers can not be friends if one is still in love. So don't push friendship on her as she is going to be very hurt and she needs to grieve and get over you then maybe in time she can come back and be your friend. It is cruel to break up and say let's be friends that makes a person feel real bad. Just break it off clean and leave her alone to heal with her friends you can not help her. You go and make your own life and concentrate on you. She has to first wait to make sure you are not coming back she will be hopeful for a while and then if you don't come back she will get angry which needs to happen so she can get over you and then she will grieve.
So just do it quick and definite if you are serious don't let her think it is her and if she changed you would come back. Be man enough to say you want your freedom and that it has nothing to do with her. If you were ready she might have been the one but you are just not ready, you are too young and have too much you need to do before you marry.
Well, that's my opinion on the subject of love.
It is what I know about human behavior as far as what you need to do if you are going to break up.
It will be ugly there is no way to avoid that and she may not let you go that is why I say be definite and leave never to return. She has it bad for you so it will take her some time and pain before she will be able to come to accept you are not coming back.
Let me know what happens but be prepared.
MaryAnne