Hi AKM:
I am so sorry you are hurting. There is only one answer to this question. I get this question so much and no matter what I say or anyone says you will go back to him because you said you still love him, he was your first and you are willing to take the abuse from him. So you are not ready to get out. You have not been abused enough so the answer is you will go back and you will take his crap until you can't take it anymore and then you will get out or he will betray you again when ever he feels like it because you take it. He has no respect for you because you have no respect for yourself. You let him do anything and just keep taking it. But for you to even write and believe there is a question shows you haven't had enough abuse and are willing to put him ahead of caring about yourself. He is a creep and has no feelings for anyone but himself and you help him believe that he can go on believing this. This guy is never going to do right by you otherwise he would never have done what he did. But you and your friend are so desperate you actually let him do what he wants betray you both and he has it made so good that he can even come back to you who he betrayed first. AKM connect the dots here what is it going to take obviously you will take anything so just expect to get a disease or hurt worse because it is just a matter of time. I hope someday you will think enough of yourself that you will find a guy that respects you,loves you and does right by you. Right now you just don't want to get it. Don't think all the cross my hearts in the world are going to change this guy why should he change he has it made as long as you stay so desperate and believe me he will replace you without a flinch once he is done with you. I am sorry you even think there is a question I hope you don't stay like you are for ever you will always get hurt one guy after another. You do deserve an honest guy who loves you and treats you like a queen. This guy only loves himself and it doesn't matter how much you rant and rave putting all these conditions on him you have lost and you have no say so he is going to do what he pleases and going out on you is one of the things that pleases him.
There is no answer, you seem to need to be hurt otherwise you wouldn't even be asking a question you would tell him to go stick it. I am sorry you are going to be hurt again.
I wish I could get you to wake up/
Good luck and let me know when it happens or if you need me just write.
MaryAnne
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