Becky:
My you have really asked me a loaded question. I totally understand why you want a baby many many girls have babies because of that reason. But later they regret it because it does not turn out that way. I don’t know why you went to “jail” at your age but how do you know you won’t again. Then your baby has to be raised by someone else because the state takes your baby. Then there are the statistics that children who have parents that were or are in prison end up there more than children who’s parents don’t go to jail. I mean Becky, you obviously have some messed up life and you are only 14 which means you have a lot to work out before you can even get you straight and make a good life for you. Wouldn’t it be more fair and loving to the baby if you wait until you straighten your life out? Until you graduate from school and have a way to support the baby. I know your boyfriend will help but things change even to those who are in love for life and you have to always be prepared as a mother to be able to support and take care of your baby alone.
For now can’t you and your boyfriend give each other the love and also the support to get straight in your own life? Can you not love the baby enough to wait until you have your life worked out and be able to give it all that you possibly can?
It is so simple to get pregnant and have a baby but after that it is a full time, life time career if you do it right. You have to have yourself in good shape, financially secure, a future and your head on straight. It also doesn’t hurt to be married so the father can help take some of the burden off of you plus children need both parents most of us know that because of how many of us came from divorced parents. Sometimes I think people have babies too easy and then the baby suffers in the end when it never even asked to be here.
So think about all of this. I know you want that special being that is a part of you that is all yours and will love you no matter what and you can love and count on to love you. But truthfully that is not how it is. If you get into trouble you will lose your baby and that will hurt you beyond repair, the guilt and then when you find out your son or daughter is in the same prison. I see the women crying who have that and they are haunted with guilt forever they say. If you have the baby now and don’t get an education you can never be in a position to give your child all that you would want to and it would be such a hard road to travel. Last but not least after a certain age kids pull away from their parents, as they should and you are not the center of their universe that is when it really hurts and out the window goes your guaranteed love. Yes, they love you but you won’t know it for years to come because of the stage they are in.
You are 14 no matter what you are still a cross between a child and a teenager. The world is not an easy place in the best of circumstances.
What does it say that you want to have a baby for the reasons you do? Maybe you need to look into why you feel that empty and hungry for love that is as close to guaranteed as possible? What about your parents? Do you have a good relationship with one of them to go to for that love? What would this do to their lives? Here again what you do is going to affect a lot of people. IF you have a choice is that fair without talking to them first?
If you are already pregnant then you need to take the obstacles I have brought up in this letter and go to your parents, talk to them and figure out how you are going to work through all these circumstances that have now been created.
I hope that you rethink this if it is a choice and wait at least until you are 18 and can drive, work a low wage but real job, graduate and be more mature as a mother.
If you are already pregnant I hope you go to your parents and they help you make the many decisions you need to make and that you get your prenatal care so your baby is healthy. Most I hope you find a way to get all the resources available so you can have a chance to keep your baby.
God Bless and Guide you either way,
MaryAnne
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