­I need advice... my boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 months, we are falling in love with each other. But here is the thing... My boyfriend (16) got a job about a month ago, he really likes it but I (14) miss him a lot. In the beginning of our relationship, he would call a lot, and we would go to the movies like every weekend.. now, he calls me "when he gets a chance".... which to be honest is like once a week for like 10 mins. and we hang out when we both a free which is like 2 times a month. I know that I sound like I am in need of attention.. but I am really not... I just want to be with my boyfriend really really bad. I know there is not much I can do about this but does anyone have any suggestions?! Please help.

Ashley

­ Ashley:

I understand your problem and I don’t think you are showing signs of being “needy.” But you have left too much out for anyone to give you suggestions so you need to write back and fill in some blanks. You say now that your b/f has this job you are only together about twice a month well is that because he is working all the time or because he is tired or what? See if he is working all the time that is one thing but if he isn’t working constantly but makes excuses why he can’t see you then that is a whole different story. Next does he not call you or see you any more than he does because he is “at work” or for other reasons like tired or out with friends or what? I can’t believe he is working so much that he actually had to change your relationship that drastically to where you only talk about 10 minutes and only see each other twice a month. Even if you are both so busy that you can’t find time to be together other than twice a month. I would say if you want this relationship to grow and last you need to sit down and make arrangements to be together a little bit more than twice a month. You both can definitely find time to talk on the phone more than 10 minutes. Something just doesn’t fit and that may because you have left out a lot of information or because something really doesn’t fit. Maybe you could give up something and he could give up something so you have a little more time together. For any relationship to last it must be nurtured, that takes time together and you both have to work at it. Maybe you could find a way to spend a few hours together once a week and use that time wisely so you can make sure both of you are getting your needs met and the relationship is getting the attention it needs. Maybe when school gets out you will have more time and can do the once a week thing. IF not once a week then set aside some time to talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes and see each other every other week for a date where you are together for the whole evening? Something has to give somewhere and I am afraid it is going to be the relationship if you don’t take my suggestions and do something with them.
I would like you to answer my questions above and also this one, is your b/f complaining like you are that he doesn’t like not having more time together. Is he feeling any great need to find a way to spend more time with you? Or are you the only one with a problem? I don’t mean is he saying “yes I miss you too” I mean is he really complaining and saying he wants to find a way to spend more time together because he can’t stand it the way it is now? I mean you are so upset you wrote me which means you really are in need of more time together and you are feeling something is going wrong. Now where do you think he stands on this and don’t ask him just write and tell me what he has said up to now.
OK, I look for your response to my questions so I can give you a clear picture of what is going on and what you need to do if it is any different from what I have written in this letter. I mean you may tell me what I need to know and my answers will be the same. But I think what I am looking for is to find out why everything has changed so drastically. I don’t think you are a possessive g/f or are asking for too much I think something else is going on and that is what I am look for in my questions or it may be he is just working constantly and he hasn’t figured out how to balance everything. If that is the case I can teach you how to teach him to balance his life so he can have it all and you will get your needs met too.
So please write back with the information I need so I can help you work this all out and get your relationship back to a fulfilling and positive place.
Sorry it took so long for me to respond but I was to have surgery and I was unable to write now they have postponed it so I will be able to answer within a day once you write me back.
MaryAnne