Carey,
Oooh! Alcohol can make us do horrid things cant it! I can imagine how u feel at the moment. ive been in the same position. first of all, if ur being hard on urself, stop. there's no use beating urself up for something thats already happened and cant be changed. i dont know what the conversation was like when she told u she found out and wanted space. but i can imagine it included things like, 'how could u?', 'i cant believe u did this to me', 'i cant trust u anymore', and like u said, 'i need space'. so u probably feel about 2cms small about now.
but all u can do is say sorry. u only need to say it once. we all make mistakes. Im sure ur girl has done things that she aint proud of, or that have hurt other people. no ones perfect. but its funny that when someone gets hurt by someone else, they play the innocent, victim who has never done any wrong.
I was once with a guy and we had a fight and i got drunk with a couple of mates and ended up kissing one of them. i felt so guilty that i confessed and try to explain to him that i didnt feel any less for him, i just made a mistake. well he flipped, and he didnt want to be with me anymore. he said that i ruined his trust in me. however he did tell me once before, that he had cheated on a girl just becuase he didnt want to go out with her anymore and didnt want to have to do the break up thing. so there he was acting like the innocent victim and making me feel so bad about myself, when hed done it himself. so dont beat urself up forever. u made a mistake, thats all. ok.
you said that it happened at the start of ur relationship, so u probably didnt have the strong feelings for her that u do now. and as far as i know, this is not someting u do all the time, but a one of mistake. now u love her and u told her. if u havent already, u need to tell her that ur intention wasnt to hurt her. how much she means to u and that u want to work things out. it is up to her, whether she thinks that the relationship is worth saving. if she really loves u and cares for u, then she will see that, yes u made a mistake and will want to put in the effort to make things right.
When my then boyfriend said that he didnt want to be with me anymore i was pretty cut up. i was hurt because i thought what we had was special and i wanted to work through it. i thought he really cared about and loved me. but i know that if he did, then he would of wanted to work through it and consider the relationship worth saving. but he didnt feel that way. instead he let his ego get in the way. he went crazy when i told him and kept asking questions like who is he, and where and when, all stuff that wasnt important. he was just concentrating on his hurt ego. it was too much for him to get over to think about wanting to fix us. so i thought to myself, if he doesnt think that our relationship is worth saving and sorting things out, then do i really want to be with him anyway?
i realized that i couldnt mean all that much to him if he didnt want to sort things out with me.
so u said that u cant even message her. is she ignoring u? is she not talking ot u. well maybe u could just drop a note in her mailbox saying that u want to talk. its up to her whether she does or doesnt. i know this must be driving u crazy. i know what its like to be away from the person u love, and even worse, have them angry at u. its agony! all u want to do is hold them close to u. but u cant stalk her! so all u can do is give her the space that she wants. i would drop a note in her letter box or write a quick email or send her a short message. just one of those, not all three! dont pressure her. just let her know that u want to talk and are willing to work things out.
so if she does finally decided to talk to u, then u need to tell her how u feel. tell her u made a mistake, ur sorry and want to work things out. tell her how special she is to u. thats all u can do. the balls in her court after that. she has to decide how she feels about u and whether she wants to continue ur relationship.
i know this has got to be a painful and agonising time for u, but hang in there. what ever happens, happens for a reason. if she feels she doesnt want to be with u, then u need to accept that. again, dont beat urself up. because love is loving someone no matter what, and accepting their faults and that their not perfect. if she cant do that, then its time to move on. i know thats gonna be hard, but u cant force something to be.
well good luck with it all. let me know how it goes.
Take care.
*Tina*
