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I am too sensitive
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* March 07, 2004, 10:17:47 PM
­ Hi, I'm a newbie at this site and i was wondering if u guys can help me out.

I am very emotional. Many times when i speak to people i speak from the heart which i guess is a good thingm but i m too emotional. I cry very easily. Just today, when i was having an argument with my brother who keeps yelling his lungs out, i begin to cry in the middle of the fight. 8/10 discussions/fights i have in the house (usually my brother causes) I have to end them because I'm about to cry. My eyes would water up and my face would turn red, by that time my voice has changed. At this point my brother ususally has a smile on his face, indicating that he's won or something. I am too ashamed of showing him that i m about about to cry, I just head into my room and lock the door. I feel soo ashamed! I have been crying more often these days. Whats wrong with me?! IS there anything i can do to stay strong and suck it up?

Any advice would be greatly appreiated

-Sunny

"The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,
That ever I was born to set it right!"
-Hamlet

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* March 10, 2004, 07:27:57 PM
#1
­ Hi Sunny,

I am a newbie too. I read your post and that is the only reason why I registered. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. It is probably partially hormones. Your brother sounds more out of control yelling his lungs out than you do with your crying. BOTH of those are emotions. He just vents his by yelling. I would seriously rather be your friend than his. You DO sound strong. Caring and speaking from your heart doesn't mean you are weak. It is just many men THINK that is a weakness and not a strength.

Your brother sounds insecure and BULLying. If he was confident in his opinions he wouldn't have to bellow his lungs out like an angry bull.
He could state them in a more constructive way. It isn't logical or constructive or nice, or caring. It is mean.

You sound stronger than him because you have feelings that care and not feelings of just anger when you are upset. Your brother shouldn't be arguing to win Sunny IMHO! The one who yells the loudest and longest isn't a winner! They are just mouthier and louder and in his case with that smile he gives, meaner. That isn't anything to be proud about. He should be ashamed of that smile. He is happy he hurt you? I am responding from your words but I get the feeling your brother has some problems or issues. His smile sounds like rubbing it in and punishing you. It is not very nice at all. It is condescending.

Ok, that is my opinion but it doesn't help you feel more in control. My suggestion is to not let him goad you into a fight with him because it isn't a win/win goal you have. It is HIS goal to win. Obviously he didn't win, but he tries giving you the impression he did to hurt you.

My suggestions:
I don't know how your arguments are started except you say by him so that sounds like he approaches you angrily first.
If he comes up to you complaining and yelling at you act like you don't see him. I mean walk on by and don't speak ONE word back to him. Don't let him manipulate you into an argument. Take this moment to walk in your room and close your door and leave him with his mouth hanging open.

Or, Look him in the eyes and say you won't speak to him until he speaks to you respectfully and walk on by into your room and close the door. If he has something he wants to talk to you about he should do it politely or he is out of luck.

At any point in your discussion if he raises his voice DON'T RESPOND other than to turn away and walk into your room and close the door.
I would push it back off onto him. Either he talks to you and treats you respectfully or you don't acknowledge his presence PERIOD! If he wants something from you let him earn it by SAYING IT NICELY.

This way he doesn't wear your emotions down and you stay in control of yourself and the situation. Plus, it doesn't have a chance to turn ugly.

He needs to treat and your feelings respectfully. He needs to learn the art of having constructive discussions.

Have you talked to your parents about him? I don't know your relationship with them but if it is a good one perhaps they could give him a good talking to about his attitude. They shouldn't allow him to be yelling his lungs out.

I think you love your brother and you cry because he treats you like he doesn't care and it hurts you. You aren't the problem. He is. This is my honest opinion. Hope it helps you and doesn't make you angry at me. I have been through something like this. You can turn it around and make it better even if you can't cure it.

I hope you tell us how things work out. Don't be ashamed because you shouldn't be. Your brother should be the one to feel ashamed.

Good luck,

Sparkle

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* March 11, 2004, 05:51:36 AM
#2
­ Hi.

First off i want to assure you that no, there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with crying and feeling emotional. I can understand your concern as society tells us that 'boys dont cry'. However crying is not a weakness and 'sucking in' your emotions, as u put it, is not healthy. Crying and getting your emotions out is important, however, it is important to be able to face conflict without getting so upset and taking it so personal.

Conflicts with other people are just a fact of life and will arise many times through out your life whether it be with your brother, boss, future mother in law- whoever!u will have them.

The first and most important thing i can ever suggest is DONT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONAL! now i know what your thinking, easier said than done! But believe me, if someone is yelling at you and is just down right mean and nasty, that is how they feel inside. what people give out is what they are feeling on the inside. Someone who is happy and at peace does not yell at others and say nasty things to them. So when someone does have a go at you, realize that it is something within themselves which they are dealing with.

So try to learn to stand back, not take anything they say personal and remember that the way they are acting is what they are feeling on the inside. also, just because someone says something, it doesnt make it true.You know what is true, dont believe their rubbish. people who are miserable want to bring others down with them. if they cant be happy then they dont want others to be happy. so remember this before you take what your brother says to heart and let it upset you.

And when your brother picks a fight with you, walk away! you dont have to engage in the argument and retaliate-thats what he wants!You cant get sucked into his fights unless you let yourself be. its as simple as ignoring him and walking away and saying to yourself, im not going to participate in this fight, im not going to take anything you say personal-just because u feel misersable, im not going to let you take me down too.

So you can use this through the whole of your life, with any conflict that arises. If you can learn to do this, it will save you alot of pain and heart ache.

So i hope this has helped you and you have understood what i have written. if you have any questions or would like me to clarify on anything, please write back.

Take care.
*Tina*

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