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Afraid after a guy at school touched me sexually
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March 13, 2002, 09:40:37 PM
­ Dear MaryAnne,
i need help. my life is wrecked. i am 14 years old. i went out with a boy named max. we were doing ok. until one day i was standing at my locker at school and he came up to me, stuck both his hands down my pants, and rubbed. i was pinching him and scratching him and trying to get him away from me, but i couldn't do anything- he was too strong. this happened 4 months ago, and i am still scared to death. i haven't told anyone except for my close friends, and when he found out that i told my close friends he got really really mad. i am scared. very scared. is it sexual harrassment or rape? i don't even know. i don't know where i go now. i can't trust anyone. please write me back with some answers or i will have to keep living in hell. love, mandy

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March 13, 2002, 09:41:33 PM
#1
­ Mandy:

I am so sorry that you had that experience. I wish I was there I would do something about it and fast. I just can’t stand for a girl or woman to have to be over taken against her will. It takes a very sick guy to do that. It is definitely sexual harassment and assault with the intent to do harm. He has his nerve to get mad because you told. If you are scared anyway sometimes the only way to get over something like this is to confront it Mandy. I mean he did it, you are paying for it and he is already mad because you told your close friends, which is making you more afraid. What about breaking this wide open and do like people do that are afraid that someone is going to come after them. They make themselves noticeable and they tell everyone loud and clear. Tell everyone Mandy, your teachers, principle, parents, police, everyone. The more attention you draw to yourself the less likely he can hurt you because he is afraid. The psychology is that if everyone is in on it that the bad guy won’t do anything because he is being focused on and you are also being watched so you become as safe as you can be.
You did nothing wrong Mandy no matter what he had no right to ever touch you without your permission and when you say stop he should stop, every guy would if he was sick and some kind of weirdo who is working his way towards raping someone. It is up to you but that would help you work through your fear. Your fear is coming from his taking your control away from you. Now you have to reclaim control over your life and your own body because it has been violated. So it would accomplish two things work you through your Post traumatic stress syndrome which is what you are in and also get him stopped before he does finish the job and rape someone. It takes a lot of strength to do this but remember that girl did it against Mike Tyson the boxer and won. You don’t have to take it any further than you want to remember that. Again that is your right and control but you can take this as far as you want to. I think to make you feel safe you have to reclaim your power over your own body. To stop being scared and get angry. As long as he keeps you in fear he has won. You get angry and face this with help from those who love you then he has no control over you and you have won. Do you see what I am saying.
You are right you will continue to feel and live like you are until you stand up and take back what he took and that is control over your own body and life. So you have to decide what is the best way for Mandy to do that for her. Not by what I say, your friends say, or anyone says. What will make Mandy feel safe again and back in control???????
You have to do something or you will not be able to get out of this nightmare and he will always have you afraid and also he will keep control over you at his beckon call. You don’t know what can happen next that is why I would make it so public, so you will be safe again and also show him that just because he thinks he is so powerful show him that you are able to take care of yourself by using your brain.
If you don’t want to get into any of this the other alternative is to tell your parents you have to Mandy so you can get some support and feel some sense of safety. Then you have to get into counseling to work through the trauma. Because it won’t go away on its own or in time. I use to work for the rape and sexual abuse center and I know this is true. You have to work it out with someone female.
You definitely have to have someone you can turn to and trust that is why I say you must tell your mom at least. You need her and she would want to be there for you. You are her child and she would want to help you work through this.
Just remember the bottom line, this will not go away on its own. He will keep power over you until you take it back by turning him in and telling the world or getting counseling and you will stay scared because he did violate you and take away your sense of safety. You must get all that back from him. How you do it Mandy is whatever way will make you feel safe and in control again.
I will help you in any way I can. I am so sorry. In your own school but you can over take this guy by using your brain. Now thinking can beat force any day so use your smarts and get Mandy back. Get her what will make her feel safe again.
Let me know day or night, if you need to talk or just want someone to reach out to.
You are not alone ever in this no matter how you decide to handle it. I am assuming your friends are sticking tight with you. I bet if you told some guys they would too. Just know I am here to help you in whatever you need. If you feel you can not talk to anyone write me back and we will work out another way. Please talk to your mother OK?
God bless you Mandy,
MaryAnne

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Where you know you can come for Professional, personal, right on target advice, life skills, crisis intervention,ask questions, confide in guaranteed help. With all the traps, scams, perverts and sites out there that are very unsafe, this site is your safe place. I have been doing this for 10 years.