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any advice would be appreciated!!
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* October 14, 2006, 10:12:14 PM
­ Hi there,
I just found out my sister who is my best friend in the whole wide world is getting engaged. I wish i could say that im thrilled for her, but im not. I dont really get along that great with her fiance and I am feeling pretty down that hes now a a part of my family and my life! I'm supposed to be so happy for her and supportive for her during this time but i cant stand the current situation. I dont see her as much anymore and since shes getting married and planning to have kids I know things are going to change, shes always been there, i dont know what im gonna do without her i dont want to have those relationships that you visit eachother twice a year when your older but i think thats how its gonna be.
thanks for your time

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* October 18, 2006, 12:23:58 PM
#1
­ Hello,
I cant say I know how you feel, because I don't. You love your sister and you've been super close. That's awesome. I don't think she would ever forget you or treat you differently because she is getting married and planning on having a family. Maybe you should try to talk to her about how you feel about this situation. Like talking to her about how you feel, and what you DONT want to happen, and what your worried will happen. If she is your sister, she will listen and understand what your trying to tell her. She will try to make you feel better. Maybe you just never got to know the guy enough, I don't know what has happened. But I think if you talk to your sister about that, she will listen and you may be able to figure out a few things together.

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October 30, 2006, 12:11:33 AM
#2
­ Blondie:

I thank essentials for responding and wish more kids would respond to the forum. If anyone has any insight for Blondie or any other letter on the forum please write. That is what it is up here for, peer feedback, not so much mine as you can get that privately but we all want to know what our peers think so write and help each other. Thank you. MA

I don't have much to add except that I know the feelings you are having and you will have them about many things in life. To feel as you do, you are a very sensitive person which means you will feel the effects of life more than most people. Life is ever changing and people will come in and out of our lives as they are needed and necessary. From experience of being like you I learned it wasn't so bad once I accepted the fact that nothing was permanent including life itself. Things are never as black and white as we imagine them when we feel them before they become a reality. I hate change that is part of the sensitivity I am talking about. I wanted all the same people to stay in my life, in certain roles and everything to stay a certain way. Well of course it didn't as life is ever evolving for everyone and it surely didn't revolve around me :). I use to get so upset at the thought of my parents leaving me, my brother finding a girl and getting married and me ending up all alone. But things don't work quite that harshly. Your sister's life will change of course she will have a husband who will come before you as he should but she will always need you in her life because there are just certain things men can not fulfill for women just as there are some things that women can not fulfill for men. So your sister will always be your best friend and she will confide in you and share things that only another female can understand. When she has children your life should be filled with either work or school and friends but you will still be apart of your sister's life where she will include you in the raising of her children. You will feel apart of them because they will be your blood too :). It will sort of evolve over time to where you will be able to adjust to the changes. But the most important thing to remember is that your life is going to change as you age also and what seemed so important to you now will be in a different perspective as you grow older and your life changes. I promise "life-works" just as it should and that you can learn to adjust to the changes and the changes are not as abrupt or black and white as your fears see them. They evolve over time where you can handle the changes and the changes won't be as painful as you imagine them or as extreme as you imagine.
But the most important part is that as you grow up you will also have life changes which will make other people's life changes not so important to you to where you get so upset.
Last but not least talk to your sister and just tell her how important your relationship with her is and how you hope she will help you keep the relationship as close as possible after she marries. Just tell her how you feel and ask her how she sees things changing after she marries. She is your best friend so you should be able to talk to her about this. I think if you do you will find she will reassure you and lessen your fears. Try it you have nothing to lose.
Let us know what happens and if you can see how things won't be as abrupt as you imagine.
Just know I know how you feel but it will turn out ok because your life evolves too in time all changes settle down and we do adapt to them. We can choose to make the best of the new life change brings or we can choose to make it a hardship which is of no use as we all want happiness, peace and love. To get these gifts from life we must be open to change and remember it will be us sometimes and sometimes the other person but it all balances out and works out.
Talk to your sister, let us know how it goes,
Mary-Anne

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