­ Hello everyone,


I am seeking help about what I should do with my girlfriend.She is busy all the time and I never see her except for school.We have been dating for 4 months.The real problem is there is this kid in school that flirts with my girlfriend.It is really obvious and he does it right infront of me when I am sitting with my girlfriend at lunch.So the kid as been sitting with her and all my other (girl) friends and when I look over he is always flirting.So the other day he wasn't sitting there because I said something to him about it and so I saw my girlfriend get up go to his table and then I see them both walking back to her table.They sit down and start talking and he goes at it flirting again.So come to find out later when my girlfriend walked over to his table she said," Why aren't you sitting with us?" Is it because of Cameron (me)" and he says yes.So then I told her what I was seeing ( him flirting with her) and she complitly denied it and said o no he doesn't.Then I call her that day and she tells me she just got off the phone with him and he said me and my other friend were making fun of him in homeroom witch is complete BS because me and my friend were lauging at a magazine.And anyways what the hell, its not like she is his mother.God I am steaming can anyone help me?

­ Cameron:

I read your letter and to be blunt I think you are being taken big time. You read your letter as if someone else had written it and asked you for advice and see what you come up with. But it is like you are the only one out of at least the 3 of you that doesn't get the program. No girl treats a guy like she treats you if she has it for him. She is actually protecting the other guy “against” you Cameron can you see that?
If I were you I would tell her that you would like to have a talk and soon and ask her what is up? Don’t call, don’t email tell her you want to talk to her today and ask her when and where to meet. Do not tell her what it is about so if anything curiosity will bring her but do not tell her what it is about. Just say you have a serious problem and need to talk to her in person and soon. If she refuses or has some excuse Cameron you got your answer. If she does meet you bring up these things to her and then tell her you don’t want explanations because you can see it for yourself. What you want to know is where do you stand? Does she want a relationship with you or does she want to be free to be with him?
Cameron, relationships are built on trust if you don’t have trust you have nothing to build on. There is no trust here and for good reason. She should never take another guys side over yours no matter what. If you are wrong about something she should stand by you in public and then when you are alone talk to you about maybe you were wrong but never in public. This just makes you look and feel small and the other person feel that your own g/f isn’t standing by you.
Then he is making up this stuff and she is believing him well again where is the trust? She should believe you if you say you are not doing those things.
I am sorry but this girl isn’t sure of what or who she wants. For your sake you need to know what is what and from her. So please have that talk and soon. If she just is evasive about everything again you have your answer. Any girl who is reading my response will back me in that if a girl is “in love” with a guy she would never do what your g/f is doing. Any guy who is reading this would back me that he would not take this off a g/f either.
But it always works the “have a talk” if you want the truth. Now if you wanna just keep kidding yourself then you keep going on like you are and eventually she is going to drop you because she can’t respect you if you keep taking this off her and this other guy. SO it is just up to you when she is going to walk.
What I am proposing by having a talk is to me it is the one way to try to save the relationship. IT shows you have self respect, dignity, won’t just be walked on and that you want to work things out with her. Having an honest talk “always” reveals the truth believe me. She will either just tell you straight up she likes him, or she will be evasive, or she will get defensive which is another way of not telling the truth and getting you to break up with her, or she will eventually break down which is what you want. Then maybe the two of you can have a real talk and find out what is real between you. You have to get past her “ego” and to where her true feelings for you will come out. Then tell her how you feel and ask her if she wants to make it work. If she does then you need to set some boundaries. What I mean is like she respects your feelings and if you feel she is taking another guys side that you two go and talk things out. You both should be able to talk about anything without being judged by the other. So make the commitment that you both can come to the other and express your feelings and then talk out what ever is bothering the one who has a problem. You have to be best friends too so this is a good place to start and to find out just exactly what you and she do have between you.
This talk will definitely give you the answers no matter how it goes so be prepared in your heart. Just remember that you can’t lose what you don’t have so if she walks it wasn’t the talk it wasn’t there in the first place. IF there is anything between the two of you the talk will work and bring it out and bring you close together again. If you don’t have this talk one on one alone and soon she will be gone I am afraid or if she stays she is not going to be good to you and you are going to be one miserable guy.
You have to clear this all up and talking is all part of a healthy and loving relationship anyway. You should be talking there is something wrong why that isn’t happening. Seems she is doing all her confiding in this other guy and it should be you.
Well that is how I see it and I can promise every time someone has a problem with their g/f or b/f and have this talk it has always brought out the truth and things definitely worked out one way or the other. So I know the talk is the right answer and it works.
Let us all know what happens as I am interested in what happens. I hope she will open up and find a new respect for you for talking this out and that the two of you find you do have something special.
I will be thinking about you,
MaryAnne

­ Wow, that took a while for you to respond. maybe if you told me sooner she is with that guy now! Thanx alot

­ Cameron:

I debated whether to put your negative response to me up on my forum and thought no I have no right to just put up the “good” and must face this and address it. Because that is part of what I try to teach all the teens that write me, to be accountable for your actions, face your problems and deal with them straight on. So I put your comment up and now I am responding to it as it hurt me and it is very unfair. I want you to understand why it is unfair and why it hurts me Cameron. You spoke out of ignorance so I want you to know that and why I say it.

First, I am sorry I know you are in pain and are lashing out at me for your own self induced pain, but the truth be known if she loved you she would be with you and not him it has nothing to do with my responding. It was quite evident that she was siding with him. I wish I had that kind of power to control how people feel and think I could sure save a lot of people but I can not nor can anyone.

As far as my answering time, I do this site and forum for FREE and have for 3 years now. I am a Professional and I devote all my free time to helping teens for FREE and ask for nothing in return except respect and that you at least realize that I don't have to do this, I choose to do this because I care.
So before you come down on me think about this and what I do. I help thousands of teens world wide because I care and for no other selfish motive.
I also have many teens who write and I have to take emergencies first as I am sure you would want me to. Everyone's problem is important to me but I have to set boundaries and decide how to respond to everyone. I would think we all agree that the life and death issues come first as I think you would want if you were in that kind of situation. Then I have to answer in order to when someone writes me. Other's feel their problem is as important as yours is to you. So that is how I have set this site up. I am also disabled and have to work around that. SO there are many things that go into my response time.
I am sorry you want to look outside yourself for why your g/f is with him and put it on me but it was very obvious before you wrote to my forum that what happened would have happened no matter when I wrote you.
Maybe it would help you more if you looked at why you were not willing to see what was obvious and learn from this experience instead of trying to put it on my response time. There were so many signs and you refused to see them or address them with your g/f. If you had an honest and strong relationship this couldn't have happened. Then if you had heeded the warning signs and confronted her at least you could have dealt with the situation at the time.
I know you hurt and I am so sorry but I have nothing to do with that or with her leaving you for him. She had already left you in her heart by the time you wrote me.

I want to write this not just to you but to everyone. I am a Professional with 3 degrees and 20 years experience. I spend my free time helping teens. I could do a lot of other things with my time but I care and I want to be there for you. I think you are pretty fortunate that someone cares enough to devote so far 3 years of their free time to helping you and asking for nothing in return.
I know that people could donate but no one has chosen to. I could just take that as a sign that you don’t care but I will not leave because of all of those teens who have no where else to turn and can not afford to donate or get help anywhere. So someone has to support this site if it is to be here and if it isn't you helping in any way to support this site then who do you think is carrying this whole site to be here just for you??? Me that is who just me. I get no help and I give up many things I could be doing, spending money one but instead I spend it on you and running this site, so I can be here for you. This of course limits my time writing yet I still am here because I want to set what I hope is a positive example for you to give because you care and we all need help now and again.
You are free to go somewhere else for advice but I don't appreciate being judged because I didn't meet your time schedule. I answer the letters in order of severity as I am sure you would want me to. Everyone's problems are a priority to me but I must put life and death one's first. Then I answer according to when the email is received I felt that was the fairest way to answer. I expect everyone wants their time and for me to give them the best I have to give so I do.
So Cameron before you "lash" out and try to give away responsibility for your own actions find out the truth first and then decide if you are in any position to judge anyone.
I am hurt because you took an awful lot forgranted from me and you lost your g/f because of your own doing.
Take my free advice here, start taking responsibility for your own actions as you will always be accountable for them anyway.
I will always be here for anyone who needs and wants the best. This is one place you get way more than you pay for and someone does care.
But next time if you choose to write me or on my forum, I would appreciate a "thank you" and for you to respect what I do and not blame me for your lack of good choices that in this case was really wishful thinking and just plain not wanting to face what was so obvious. But please do not come back at me in a negative way because you again are choosing to put the blame on someone else for your own lack of wanting to see what is obvious.
I know your heart will heal I hope your head will become just a little wiser also.
As always here for you,
MaryAnne